Coping
by Maijajo
Summary: Major DL angst, and also about Sheldon Hawkes I just love him and had to write about him. Rated T just in case. SOME SPOILERS FOR SEASON 3. BE WARNED!
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters. _

_**Author's note: **The angst-filled plot bunny is back again. I tried some fluff, but this story kept eating at me. It's all told in first person from the points of view of Hawkes and Lindsay. It's essentially a Hawkes/DL story. Expect twists. Thanks for your support._

_**  
COPING - Chapter 1**_

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

Rubbing my eyes did nothing to help the heaviness I felt in them this morning. I approached the latest crime scene at 7:30 a.m. and I had been up until 4 a.m. talking to Faith. She was crying as always about her latest argument with her boyfriend, Robert, and as always I told her she deserved better.

_You deserve me, _I wanted to say. But I didn't, just played the devoted friend, just as I have since our days growing up in that shitty neighborhood in Queens. The logical part of me knows Faith is a dead end and I should move on, but the heart is a fickle thing. With a deep sigh I resolve to focus on the job at hand, which today involved a CPA shot through the temple in his office.

I nod to Det. Don Flack and headed toward the office. When I arrive I am glad to see steadfast, kind-hearted, hard-working Lindsay Monroe. We've always worked well together, and she's been a good friend since we went to the opera a few months before. Actually, it happened quite by accident - Faith cancelled on me at the last minute because she and Robert got back together. I asked Lindsay on a whim, figuring she'd enjoy the experience being new to the city.

It's good we kept our friendship secret - Lindsay certainly rumors so early in her career here, particularly unfounded ones. I notice today that I am not the only one in turmoil. Her face is lined with weariness and tension. We rarely discussed our romantic lives, but I know she and Danny were seeing each other since after Louie's hospitalization. He seemed to make her happy until that bungled hostage situation that nearly got Lindsay killed. Since then, the tension between the two was palatable, and I have the distinct impression they aren't together anymore.

_**Lindsay**_

Sheldon. Good, I couldn't handle Danny today, or even Stella. He could be relied upon to just do his job, not pry into my personal life as a well-meaning Stella might, or ratchet up the tension and pain like Danny.

It had been several weeks since Danny and I had a civil conversation outside of work. I remember how concerned he was about me after my undercover attempt, how he held me back at the apartment, telling me how much he cared. Then he made love to me with a passion and fury that was almost frightening. Early the next morning, when I woke and he wasn't beside me, I knew something was wrong. I found him on the balcony.

"_It can't work, Lindsay. We can't do this anymore."_

Those simple words devastated my like no other. We argued - cursing, crying, yelling. But what it all came down to was Danny closing himself off, protecting himself from the pain of possibly losing me. Nothing I said worked.

_I can't do it, Montana,"_ he said sadly, using my nickname for the first time in our discussion._ "I can't let you inside me, let you become part of my heart, then lose you. I survived a lot, but I couldn't survive that."_

And so he was gone from my life, and I tried my best to move on. I sigh, focusing on Sheldon. "How are you?" I ask, eager to getmy mind off Danny.

"Tired, Linds, but okay."

_Not really_, I can't help thinking. I know Sheldon is haunted by a woman - likely the one who dumped him the night of the opera. Faith was her name … I saw a picture of her when I picked Sheldon up for work while his car was in the shop. When I asked if she was a friend, his answer had been cryptic…. "_Yes - no -I don't know. There's isn't a word to describe my relationship with Faith, Lindsay."_

_**Hawkes**_

Robert Jenkins, the CPA, was a murder victim, as examination of his head wound proved. The shot to the temple was fired from about 4-feet way, according to Hammerbeck, which ruled out suicide. Lindsay, Flack and I spend the day interviewing suspects and processing evidence. Soon, we zero in on small-time mobster Manny Grimaldi. It appeared Jenkins was cooperating with police to bring down Grimaldi, using evidence he found while processing his taxes.

Later, with Grimaldi safely in a cell and the DA's office processing the necessary paperwork to get a trial date, I headed gratefully to the locker room. "Hey Danny," I say when I see Messer.

"Hawkes." Danny's monotone voice is telling. Like Lindsay, he appears weary and sad.

_Damn it man, tell her you love her and fix this, _I want to say, but it isn't my business. And, truth be told, if Messer couldn't get his act together, Lindsay may be better off.

After Danny leaves, I prepare for another evening at home. Dating is exhausting - my mind is always elsewhere - and I prefer to spend most nights listening to jazz, reading and - much as I hate to admit it - waiting to hear from Faith.

The locker room door opens, and Lindsay appears. "Hey Sheldon. What's going on?"

"Nothing, you?"

"Nada, which is my problem. I just don't feel like going home. What do you say? Want to catch some dinner?"

_**Lindsay**_

I'm relieved when Sheldon agrees to go out. Danny had scarcely spoken a word to me that day, but kept staring, studying me. He loves me, dammit! But his screwed-up honor code prevents him from coming back to me.

Truth be told, I know Sheldon can use a night out as well. This Faith person seems to send him for a loop every time she enters his life. I know they were seeing each other when I first arrived in New York. That ended the night of the opera, when she ditched him for her ex. Sheldon didn't tell me that, but I figured it out from things he said.

"So, where do you want to go?" I ask.

"Well, there's this new Mexican place on Fourth and Goddard. What do you say, want to try something spicy?"

_**Hawkes**_

A couple of hours later we leave Felippe's with full stomachs and satisfied minds - Lindsay is an intelligent woman, not some stupid yokel as some would believe. I always enjoy our dinners. My neighbor across the hall suggested I ask her out, but we are meant to be friends, that's all. I'm grateful to have a woman in my life that I don't have to puzzle over.

"You ready to head home?"

Lindsay pauses and shakes her head. "Know of any other good spots, Doc? I just don't feel like being home in my apartment tonight."

To my surprise I agree with her. A night alone is no longer as appealing. "What about Cozy's? On Fridays I think they have this contemporary jazz ensemble that's pretty good."

A hour later we head into DeMarco's, an upscale bar on 23rd. There's dancing, current music and comfortable seating. It's a decent alternative to Cozy's, which was packed full of people. We settle at a little table just off the dance floor.Luckily, DeMarco's isn'ttoo loud, and Lindsay and I can actually talk without shouting.

"So, why aren't you out with some hot woman tonight? Sheree in the trace lab certainly has her eyes on you."

I smile. "Not my type, too showy. Anyway, I'm not good boyfriend material right now."

"Faith? Don't look surprised, Sheldon, I'm a detective. I'm good at reading signals."

I'm trying to think of a way to respond when I see Lindsay's attention shift tothe dance floor. I turn to see what has captured her attention, and it doesn't take long to figure it out.

_**Lindsay**_

I can't believe it. Danny is slurping on some tall blonde's neck, not 20 feet away. The bimbo - complete with fishnets and micro leopard skirt - is giggling. I can tell from his stance he's drunk - if it weren't for Bambi he probably wouldn't be able to stand.

"Lindsay?" Sheldon's voice breaks through. "You want to go."

It takes me a moment to gather myself and hold the tears back. _Dammit_. "Yeah, there's nothing for me here."

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these people_

_**Author's note:** Second chapter to the new angst fest. Let me know if this sucks and if I should desist immediately. Also, remember there are some mild SPOILERS for season three._

**CHAPTER 2**

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

I have a hard time keeping up with Lindsay as she storms out of DeMarco's - glancing back to Danny all over the bottle blonde cost me precious seconds. I finally catch up with her on the sidewalk.

"Hey Lindsay, wait up. Lindsay!" I yell, and grab her arm. She pulls away, but slows down so I can keep up.

"I can't believe it. Hanging all over that chick like a cheap suit."

Sometimes the best thing a man can do is hold his tongue - I know now is one of those times.

"Stupid. Just stupid. I shouldn't have been involved with him in the first place. I knew he was complicated, knew he was trouble. But I thought I could make a difference, Sheldon. I thought I could help." Lindsay stopped short, and I put a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I watch as she struggles to maintain composure. _Danny, you are such an idiot_. I pull a slightly resistant Lindsay into my arms.

"He told me he loved me, Sheldon. And I believed it."

"I know, sweetie. C'mon, let's get you home."

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

Sheldon drove me home, which was a good thing, because I'm still shaking even as I try to fit the key into the lock. He finally takes the keys and lets us both in. He stands uncertainly just inside the doorway.

"You want to be alone, Lindsay? Just say the word." Even in my misery, I smile. Sheldon is always polite. I realize this is the first time he's really been in my apartment. Usually we just meet somewhere, and if he picks me up, I come right out. It's on the tip of my tongue to tell him to go on home, but I can't get the words out.

"I can't Sheldon, because I really don't want to be alone right now." I curse silently as tears threaten. Why did I let him do this to me?

Sheldon makes himself comfortable on my couch, watching me carefully. "You want to talk about it? Or would you rather find some crappy late night movie and zone out?"

I don't answer - I'm really not sure what I want - and sit beside him, grabbing the remote. As I channel surf, Sheldon waits me out. Next thing I know, I'm telling him the whole sordid mess.

"It was after Louie's accident. Once they got Sassone, you remember Mac gave Danny some time out. He kept coming here, wanting to talk. We'd stay up for hours on end, and half the time he fell asleep on the couch. It was all strictly friendship."

I fall silent. A minute later, Sheldon, probably sensing my need to get it out, prompts me. "Until?"

I sigh. "Until Louie died. Danny went to the funeral - and you know we all went. Before I left, I reminded him my door was always open. Nothing like serving myself on a platter, right? Anyway, he came over, and we talked. We cried. We hugged. Next thing you know we're in bed together. I was scared the next morning, you know, that he would think less of me, or that he just used me. But he was so sweet, you know? Said he always wanted to touch me, kiss me, and it took losing his brother for him to realize how much I meant to him. From then on, we were inseparable, although I think we kept it pretty quiet."

Sheldon broke in. "Some of us suspected, but you did a good job of keeping it on the down low."

I nod and pause before continuing. "He told me he loved me, had almost started to love me from the first day we met. It wasn't just sex, Sheldon, we were friends. We comforted each other when Flack was hurt, laughed over beers, went to baseball games. Then that hostage mess, and everything went to hell. He told me we were over, that he couldn't face me being taken away, so he had to end us before we got to far. What a crock."

"Why is it a crock?"

"I was probably just another notch on the old Messer bedpost." Even as I say it, I know in my heart it isn't true.

Sheldon's quiet, then continues. "I've watched you both these past few weeks, and if I've noticed anything, Linds, is that you're both pretty miserable. He looks at you when you're not aware, asks after you when you're not around. That girl tonight? Just a distraction, Lindsay. He's trying to lose himself so he doesn't have to think about you."

_**Hawkes**_

I'm quiet for a few minutes, and I listen to Lindsay sniffle beside me. Then she startles me.

"You sound like a man who speaks from experience, like you've tried to forget someone. Faith?"

I'm surprised, but I shouldn't be. Lindsay's perceptive - it's one of the reasons we're good friends. Neither of us miss much. "Yeah, but that's another story." I'm not ready to talk about Faith right now.

"I suppose what I'm saying is - and I guess it makes this situation even harder - that I believe Danny does love you, and it scares him. When you put yourself on the line back there, it made him realize losing you was a possibility, and one he's not ready to face."

"Well, I don't think Danny's games and screwed-up psyche are anything I can face, Sheldon. Does that make me awful?"

I smile gently at her tear-stained face. "No, it makes you human. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying don't downplay what you and Danny had, or could have." I watch her eyes drift off, going somewhere I can't see.

"He's not the only one with demons. We've all lost people, and not all of us give up."

Somehow I know it's time for me to leave. I rise, and she stand up with me, walking me to the door. I reach down and give her a hug - her small frame practically lost in my embrace. "You call me anytime you want to talk. I'm here."

She thanks me and I head home. When I arrive, my answering machine is blinking. I listen and am surprised to hear Lindsay.

"Hey, Sheldon. Just wanted to say thanks for tonight …" Her voice trails off and I think she's done, but - "…You know, I think you have some demons of your own. If you ever want to talk, I'm here, too. 'Night."

I'm smile, a bit sadly, knowing that I could lead a lecture on the trials of Faith and me. If I could share it with anyone, it would be Lindsay. The next message clicks on.

"Shel? Baby? Are you there? Pick up …Okay, maybe you're not there, but call me when you come in. I don't care what time it is."

I stand there, debating, knowing I shouldn't call her, knowing it will be more of the same. I finally resolve to go to bed, heading off toward my room, when there's a knock on the door. I don't need to look to know who it is. I answer, and there she is, as beautiful and tragic as ever. "Hey baby …" Her greeting cut off by sobs, she collapses in my arms.

And I am lost.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note: **The angst continues! _

**CHAPTER 3**

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

Despite my past history with Faith, I can't help but feel buoyed this morning. I left that beautiful woman in my bed, after she murmured words of love and promise to me. She and I made love last night after she told me of her latest heartbreak. Am I a fool to believe her? Maybe, but the power and feeling behind our coming together was staggering, and the hopeful part of me believes it means more than it has in the past.

"Hey Stella." Bonasera is already processing and greets me with a weary smile.

"Hi Sheldon. It's a tough one. Amanda Betz, single mom, 38. Raped and strangled. Her little boy, 9-year-old Evan, saw the man leave. He's already down at the station. We'll have a sketch artist work with him later - that should take a few days. We have to get one who specializes in working with children."

"Poor kid." It would seem hard times don't just befall kids in the projects. Upper eastsiders are not immune. Much of the morning is spent processing, and later I return to the lab and work on the clothing of the mother, sheets, and other objects we transfer back.

At one o'clock I take a lunch break and pick up sushi - Faith's favorite. Actually, I don't think she loves it that much, but was always attracted to it as "a food of the wealthy." When we were children, it was part of the picture she painted - _"When I grow up, I'm going to marry a rich man, wear fur and eat sushi."_

"Hello? Faith, I'm home." My words echo ominously as I enter my apartment. Already, some part of me knows she's not there. I find the note on my pillow, punctuated by a print of her ruby red lipstick.

_Hey Baby -_

_Thank you for last night. You can take the boy out of the ghetto, but you can never take his soul. You've always known how to move. _

_It would be easy to stay here, protected by you, but I need to think. I'm going home for a few days, but I'll call you soon. _

_Love always, _

_Faith._

I sigh, and try and push away the negative thoughts that crowd my brain.

**Lindsay Monroe**

Mac, Danny and I processed an attempted bank robbery. With all the potential physical evidence, we were busy, which was a blessing. I can barely stand to look at Danny after that night at DeMarco's last week. Even today the bags under his eyes suggest last night may have been another late one, possibly with the woman that never met an animal print she didn't like.

I sigh - I do that a lot lately. Mac notices. "You all right, Lindsay?" I nod, and I know that he really doesn't believe me. He's been shooting looks at me and Danny, but hasn't said a word. Maybe he's just on the lookout for us to let our issues affect work. Well, it's not going to happen. Danny may have shot my personal life to hell, but he won't do it to my job.

Back at the lab, I find Sheldon in the locker room. He looks dejected. "What's up, Sheldon?"

He smiles sadly. "Too much sushi for one person." Unsure of how to respond to that, I watch as he nods a good-bye and leaves.

I am unable to get his face out of my mind - Sheldon has always been there for me. I resolve to help and head to his apartment armed with a large tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a copy of _The Best of Eddie Murphy on Saturday Night Live_. The old episodes were the best.

He answers his door only after repeating bangs of my knuckles. He sighs. "Lindsay, the ice cream cure is really kind of a girl thing."

"Really?" I wave it in front of me. "Even if it's from that homemade ice cream place down the street?"

For the first time that day, Sheldon's eyes actually show some life_. Score!_

**Hawkes**

A couple of hours later, Lindsay and I are flopped on the couch in ice cream comas. I feel marginally better, although thoughts of Faith keep one foot planted in pityville. Lindsay is quiet before she asks the inevitable.

"Want to talk about it?"

Despite my resolve to keep the world away from my complicated Faith issues, something about her plainspoken attempts to help have me opening up.

"We grew up together in Queens. Crappy neighborhood - not exactly the projects, but close. My dad died of a heart attack when I was 4, and my mom was a teacher in the inner city. She didn't make much and she struggled to keep us going on her salary. Faith was a year younger. Her dad was a drunk that beat up her mother. She was no prize either - did drugs and whatever she needed to feed her habit.

"Faith was always beautiful and vulnerable, and I guess I had this need to protect her, keep her from becoming another statistic. I was lucky - my mom and I didn't have much but she always supported me and stressed education. Through me, she did this for Faith as well.

"I guess I was always half in love with her most of my life. Think Halle Berry's attractive? Faith on a fair day makes her look like a bag woman. And she's smart - she works at a huge brokerage firm. The problem? Men. She chooses badly - for all her intelligence, she picks users. The worst is Robert - they've been on and off for three years. He cheats on her shamelessly. She comes to me for comfort, and always goes back to him. Guess I'm hoping one day she'll wake up and realize I'm the one. Stupid huh?"

Lindsay pauses. "No, just in love with someone unable to see the beauty of what's before her."

I am momentarily surprised by her effusive words. "It's just her background, Lindsay, she doesn't know what she needs."

She waves her hand in defeat. "I won't trash her, Sheldon. It's possible she doesn't feel worthy of you. But sometimes in these situations - believe me, I know - we just have to let them go. You love her, right?"

I nod.

"Well, despite everything, I love Danny, but I'm not willing to waste my life waiting for him to get his crap together. I need to move on, and maybe you do, too."

Images of Danny and Faith pop into my mind. "Easier said than done."

Lindsay's has no answer. Onscreen, Eddie Murphy sings of "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood," but we're both beyond caring.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note: **The angst continues! This takes place a couple of weeks after the last installment. I'm a little worried about posting this one, what the reaction will bee. There is still a lot of story, so bear with me and please review - honesty is appreciated, even if it's negative, as long as you keep it constructive!_

**CHAPTER 4**

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

I stifle a yawn as I get ready to head home. It's been a long day. After countless finger prints were gathered, scanned and logged, we have three possibles for a rape and attempted murder at a massage parlor after hours - all convicts released within the past year for previous sexual assaults. Now it was just a matter of finding them. Danny would be coming in soon - thank God we were on opposite shifts - and he will likely work on tracking them down.

Speak of the devil. Laughing and joking greets me as Danny and Don Flack come in. "Yeah, so this girl comes up to me, notices I've still got the limp, ya know? Asks where my cane is. I'm like, 'Hey baby, I'll show you my cane.'"

Danny laughs and shakes his head. I can't help but smile. Almost getting killed in that explosion hasn't dampened Flack's penchant for cheesy pickup lines. "Please tell me that didn't work, Flack?"

"Of course it worked!" I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. Flack looks hurt. "Would these eyes lie?"

I'm about to retort when I notice something as Danny turns toward his locker. Sticking out of the back of his jeans waistband is a filmy, hot pink thong. My face must have fallen with my heart, because Flack touched my arm. "Linds? You okay?" Then he turns and looks, groaning at the sight.

"Aw, Jesus, Messer, real classy."

Before I can hear his response, I push out of the locker room. I'm almost to the elevator when I hear his voice behind me. "Montana! Hey, Montana! Wait up!"

But I don't. I can't.

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

I haven't moved for three hours. I'm still staring at the engagement announcement in my hands.

_Mr. And Mrs. Albert Calvin Jackson proudly announce the engagement of their son, Robert Scott Jackson to Faith Marie Jones_.

Faith met me for lunch at some chain restaurant near her office. Thinking she had made a decision, and foolishly thinking it was in my favor, I brought a bottle of champagne. My vision of us toasting each other in Central Park was foiled when I saw the large rock on her finger.

Despite the numerous conquests Robert had, he would give Faith one thing she had dreamed of: Money. She apologized, told me she would always love me, but Robert was the one, the man that could give her everything she had dreamed of.

"_You're the knight in shining armor, but I need someone that can make me secure, someone that's a little less devoted to everyone else and more devoted to me. I'm selfish, Shel, you know that. I'm just sorry I had to hurt you." _

I just handed her the bottle and left, kicking myself once again for my stupidity. I should have known the day I left a lucrative career in medicine for the ME's office that it would never work between us. Faith needed things, money, security. I guess she didn't feel she could get those from a former ME-turned CSI.

Despite the knowledge, it still hurt like a bitch.

I would like to say I would never take her back, you know, the next time Bobby spots some babe in a skirt he has to have, but I'd probably be lying to myself.

I continue to brood until there's a soft knock on my door. I'm tempted to let it go, but I hear Lindsay's voice. "Sheldon? Are you there?" Something about the tone makes me open the door - the knight's newest quest? My self-pity is put aside when I see the utter devastation on her face.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

_**Lindsay**_

I'm furious at the tears that spill over onto my cheeks. _Wimp, _I think, dashing them away. "Are you ready for this one? Just when I think he can't sink any lower …"

I relay my latest Danny horror, and Sheldon makes all the right noises, says all the right things. Even gives me a hug and tells me I deserve better. But through my misery, I notice something is wrong, his eyes …

"What happened?"

He averts his eyes. "What do you mean?" He starts walking around his tasteful apartment, swiping at non-existent dust. "You want a glass of wine or something?"

I murmur a response and he wanders into the kitchen. As he pops a cork, I notice what looks like an announcement of some sort on expensive card stock. I read it, and my heart plummets once again, although this time it's for Sheldon. He walks in, two glasses of red in his hands.

"I'm so sorry. Here I'm going on about Danny and you - I'm just -"

"Stop Lindsay. You're in pain, and your angry. You have every right to be. Don't mind me."

Despite his blasé approach, I know he's hurting - his brown eyes are full of it. I walk over, take the glasses of wine and set them on an end table. Quickly spotting the liquor cabinet, I begin to pour a couple of stiff drinks.

"Something tells me we both need something a little stronger."

_**Hawkes**_

I really wanted to be alone, but if someone must be here, well, Lindsay is the best company for my misery. Despite the abundance of alcohol in my cabinet, however, we only have a few drinks, spending most of the time talking about love's misadventures.

"You know what's sad?" I muse. "Even after everything she's done, I would probably take her back. It doesn't matter how bitchy, how selfish she is, I still see that young girl who used to sneak in my room and night and tell me I was her hero. Stupid, huh?"

"About as stupid as a woman hung up on a man who walks around with a thong hanging out of his pants." I think Lindsay intended the line to be humorous, but I see tears form once again. "I mean, he went from telling me he loved me, that I saved him, to screwing leopard girl and God knows who else. It demeans and trivializes everything we had. Still, I can't believe I still let him hurt me after all this time. "

My heart aches for her as well as myself. It actually feels good to feel sorry for someone besides myself. I walk over to where she stands, gazing out the window as tears streak down her cheeks. I wrap my arms around her. "Hey, I've got over two decades on you there, sister."

We're both quiet for awhile, both trying to draw on each other's warmth. I feel her move - not away from me, just shifting so her face rises up and her eyes meet mine. Her cheeks still wet with tears she murmurs, "Are we going to be okay?"

I rest my forehead on hers. "Yeah, we're going to be okay." I drop a kiss on her cheek, and when I meet her eyes again, something changes.

_**Lindsay**_

For a moment, it's almost like looking into a mirror. Sheldon and I could be no more different in appearance, but our eyes … they're similar, especially when they're filled with the sting of betrayal. It almost seems like we're stuck there, frozen in time, when I see something flicker in his eyes, something I'm sure is reflected in my own.

"This is a very bad idea …" he breathes, but his lips still come down on mine. I respond tentatively, feeling tension ease away as I feel the gentle pressure of his lips on mine, the kiss deepening. It's very slow, almostlanguid … there's none ofthe intensity that wasthe hallmark of my physical relationship with Danny.

His hands slip under the straps of my tank top, and one by one, articles of clothing fall to the floor.Sheldon - his sculpted body framedin the moonlight - picks me up and carries me to his bedroom. The soft touches continue, and rather than feeling like I've beenthrown into a raging inferno, it'slike riding the waves of a calm ocean, and thoughts of Danny fade with each current.

"Lindsay … you're beautiful …" His words are a balm to my heart. Our passion is a quiet one, filled with gentle whispers and the loving hands of two friends pushing away the pain of the other to a place of momentary peace.

When it's over, we simply hold each other … no words passing our lips. I close my eyes and thankfully - for the first time in weeks -drift into dreamless sleep.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note: **Here is my transitional chapter. Hope you enjoy. _

**CHAPTER 5**

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

As consciousness struggles to surface, I am aware of three things: the morning sun streaming through my blinds, a crackling sound and an empty space beside me. Finally, I open my eyes, wincing a bit a the light. Then I notice the tantalizing smell of bacon, which explains the crackling sound. I head to the kitchen to solve the mystery of number three.

I quietly pad to the kitchen and see Lindsay, her back to me, looking oddly like a little girl in one of my T-shirts and a pair of pajama bottoms rolled up to the ankles. Her stance is tense as she moves bacon around in a frying pan. Ah. The morning after effect.

I don't alert her to my presence right away. I'm not sure of what to make of last night, either. One thing I do know is that Lindsay is not in love with me - that honor belongs to an undeserving Danny Messer - and, fond as I am of her, I'm not in love with Lindsay.

But last night was … incredible in its way. Gentle and comforting - odd terms for a sexual encounter, but it fits this one. Lindsay is a beautiful, passionate woman, and no matter what happens, I will never regret last night. It was what I needed - and I believe what she needed as well - at that time.

"Ahem." I say loudly. She jerks in response, turns around and gives me a tentative smile.

"Hungry?"

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

I watch pensively as a slow smile spreads across Sheldon's face. "Definitely … oh! And you made coffee. Thank God."

I return to cooking as Sheldon fuels up, and a short time later we settle at the table. He whistles softly at the spread - a rasher of bacon, scrambled eggs, French toast and fresh fruit. Luckily for me he had a well-stocked kitchen. "Are you expecting someone?" he asks, a teasing smile on his lips.

"Ummm … no." I stammer. "I tend to cook when I'm nervous. It's amazing I'm not 300 pounds."

"You have nothing to be nervous about, Lindsay."

"I know, I just - I guess I don't want you to think you owe me anything. Last night was, I don't know, an anomaly?" Isearch for the right words. "That's not it … look, Sheldon, I know you don't love me, and last night was just, well …"

He stands, walks over and pulled me out of my chair, holding my hands. "Last night was two good friends comforting each other in their time of need. What do you think of that?"

I stare into his eyes and see nothing but honesty. "I think that sounds good. And we probably shouldn't …"

"… Let that happen again, I agree. But I'm not sorry it happened, Lindsay. We both needed someone, and I'm just glad you were the someone I had with me. No regrets, okay?"

He pulls me into a warm hug. "Agreed." I say, muffled against his chest. He drops a peck on my head. "So what do you say we make a dent in this feast?"

And hour later, we've eaten and I've showered. Sheldon, who tells me just to keep the pants, walks me to the door. "So," I say,"see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely." That smile again. It's unspoken that the night will stay between us.

I turn to leave, but go back and hold my hand out. "Friends?"

Sheldon takes my hand and reaches up with the other, touching my cheek tenderly.

"Always."

It's official: Faith Jones is an idiot.

_**Hawkes**_

Lindsay and I are true to our word not to let our "anomaly" affect our jobs, and the next week proceeds uneventfully, although I sense a bit of tension from Danny.

As for Lindsay, I'm glad we're okay, because she is a real friend, the kind that don't pop up very often. We continue to be close, meeting for lunch. If anything, we're better friends now, the tension that often exists between friends of the opposite sex gone, the curiosity solved. A new intimacy exists - just a touch here and there - but a platonic one.

Before she left, Lindsay and I spoke of new beginnings. As for her, I'm not sure she's entirely ready to let go of Messer yet, and who knows - if he gets his act together … He really isn't a bad guy, he's just had a tough go of it lately. But soon, I worry he will have blown any chance with her.

As for me? Well, I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. Faith will never change, and I have to recognize that. Now I just need a sign of where to go next.

As if on cue, Nicole Tucker, the sketch artists who specializes in working with children who witness crimes, rounds the corner. We worked together a few weeks back on that single mother who was murdered, and I liked her instantly. She's intelligent, genuine and beautiful - her skin is mocha, and her hair a flowing mass of curls.

"Dr. Hawkes. How are you?"

"Sheldon, please. I'm fine. Where are you headed?"

As we proceed down the hallway, I can't help but think a new beginning may be exactly what I need.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

-1_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note: **Okay, bringing in Danny here, quickly, for a short, sweet, chapter. Next one will likely be when it all hit's the fan. I'm done for a couple days … I won't bother you guys for a day or two! My muse was just snapping at me. _

**CHAPTER 6**

_**Danny Messer**_

Another shitty day. Seems I got a lotta those since everything went to hell - Louie, Aidan, Flack, Montana. Today was no exception - a little 8-year-old girl caught in the crossfire of her parents domestic dispute. Wife finally grows a pair of her own and shoots at her husband, only she hits the kid instead. Lovely.

"Yo Messer!" I turn to see Flack running to catch up as I head toward our building. When I say running that's a good thing … wasn't sure Donny Flack would ever be doin' that again.

"What's up?"

Flack narrows his eyes, does a slow walk around me.

"What the hell you doin?"

"Lookin' for any misplaced lingerie."

"Aw man, quit the crap already. I swear I didn't know it was there."

"You sure it wasn't another genius effort in the 'alienate Montana' plan?" I roll my eyes at this, although I know where it comes from. I was pretty cold to her after I had to end things.

"Just because I don' wanna date her anymore doesn't mean I'd be that much of an asshole, Flack."

Flack's all serious suddenly. "But you do wanna date her Danny, that's the problem. You just got that 'I don't wanna hurt anymore' bullshit goin' on. But you're miserable and hurting anyway. What's the point?"

"Explaining ain't gonna make a bit a difference to you. You wouldn't understand." What I don't say is that I'm sick of losin', all the time.

Flack's still shakin' his head. "I understand that you're a dumbass."

Before I can respond with some patented Messer wit, he's gone, and once again, I feel like a schmuck. It's complicated. When I thought I might have lost Lindsay that day … I couldn't even deal. Aidan, Louie -I loved them both, but Montana, she was fast becoming part of me, the part that would have died with her.Sad thing is, Ithink part of me has died anyway.

Well, enough Hallmark card bullshit, time to head inside.

I head inside and see Hawkes down the end of the hall. He's a good guy, though he and Lindsay seem a little tight lately, you know what I'm sayin'? But they're just friends - Lindsay certainly can use 'em after the crap I put her through.

I'm about to give a shout out to theDoc when I see the lady in question come out of a nearby room, nose in a file. She runs right into Hawkes. Both startled, they laugh and he helps her pick up her papers. She apologizes, touches his arm. He smiles, says something else, and puts an arm around her for a quick hug. They continue down the hall together, chatting, a friendly hand touching an elbow, the small of the back, the shoulder.

It's then I realize it - standin' in the middle of the fuckin' lab.

They're sleepin' together.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

-1_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note: **LOOOONNNGGGG chapter. Hyped up on cold meds, couldn't sleep. Okay, going to crawl off to bed, now …_

**CHAPTER 7**

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

I can't hold back a yawn. Last night, Faith called again, which I suppose I knew she would. I guess she thought the ring on her finger would tame the wild ways of her asshole husband, but apparently not. I listened until 2 in the morning, and that's why my ass is dragging today.

"Late night, Doc?" I turn to see Flack standing nearby, an odd look on his face. He's workingtoday's murder/robbery with me.

"Yeah … you could say that."

"A woman, huh? Wish I could have that kind of action … the Frankenstein look on my chest doesn't help."

I chuckle. Somehow I don't think a scar will keep women away from Flack. They fall all over him - young, old, classy, skanky, you name it. "It's not what you think. I was on the phone."

"Mmmm … phone sex … wouldn't think you for the type. Guess I wouldn't have thought Lindsay was either."

I freeze. "What are you talking about?"

"C'mon Doc. Anyone can see you two are pretty tight, although I never would have … I don't know. Danny figured it out, actually, so you might want to steer clear."

"Figured what out?" I fumble.

"That you and Lindsay are sleeping together." Flack blows a breath out impatiently. "Danny said he could just tell, the way you talk, touch, I dunno. I told him he was crazy, but now I'm not so sure."

I was perched on my bumper, and sigh. "Slept."

Flack's confused. "What?"

"Slept. Past tense. It only happened once, and we've agreed that it won't happen again. We'd both had a crappy day … remember the thong-in-the-pants incident? Yeah. Anyway, she came over, we were talking and … you know … it happened."

"How do you know it won't happen again?"

I shake my head emphatically. "Because it won't. We're friends. That's it." Flack nods, and I think he believes me. "Thing is, Don, as her friend, I don't think Danny has a right to be concerned."

"Doc, I know, he's been an ass, but I don't think he meant to hurt her. He just wanted to go back to where he was before he met Lindsay, when all it took was a warm, female body with a pulse to make the world go away. He thought he could forget her. I bet you can guess how that's goin'."

"It's not that I don't have sympathy, but he ripped her in half. She deserves better than that. Look, you're not going to say anything? I promised Lindsay …"

Flack waves a hand at me. "Don't worry. My lips are sealed. Danny's my friend, but so is Lindsay and so are you - don't think I forgot all you did when I was laid up. And I don't disagree - Danny's been a real prick. But I'm warnin' you - he's tryin' to act like he doesn't care … but I think he's goin' to blow."

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

The moment I see Sheldon, I know something's up. "All right. Let's here it," I say with a sigh.

"Flack knows." I start to say something angry when Sheldon holds up his hands. "I didn't say anything, he figured it out. Actually … Danny figured it out and told Flack." I groan. "I tried to deny it, but he knows. He said he won't say anything, and warned me that Danny's upset, even if he acts like he doesn't care."

I close my eyes, suddenly aware of a huge headache forming. Thing is, I trust Flack - It's the other male in this equation. Danny angry and trying to hold himself back at the same time - NOT a good thing. "Maybe we should just lay low for awhile, try and stay away from him."

When I look at Sheldon for his reaction, I see an odd, thoughtful expression.. "What?"

"I'm not going to hide from him, Lindsay. We did nothing wrong. And maybe it's time Danny to get angry."

Hearing those words, seeing Sheldon's face, one thought above all others takes center stage in my brain.

_Uh oh._

_**Hawkes**_

Danny Messer. Poor, unfortunate Danny Messer. I mean, I'm sorry for the guy, too, but that doesn't give him the right to treat Lindsay like shit, then be all pissed off when she finally seeks some comfort. If he's going to blow at anyone, it should be me.

My shift is over, as is Danny's. I know where he is, and it's where I'm headed. Russo's Gym is a hole in the wall off 34th, and I know he likes to go there to burn off steam after shifts. It doesn't take long to find him - he and another guy are getting ready to play racquetball. Since it's known as the grown-up version of handball, Danny's very good. What he doesn't know is that I'm good, too.

"Mind if I take this one?" The man opens his mouth to protest, but catches the look passing between Messer and I.

"No problem," he says, and leaves. Smart man.

Danny's eyes are burning. "You want to take me on, Doc? Sure that's a good idea?"

I smile without humor. "Let's go, white boy." We head to the court.

Danny serves. _Thwack! _The game is on.

Half an hour later, it's still going, and my arms are burning like wildfire. I know Danny's are, too, but neither of us are willing to stop. I guess it's our version of a pissing match. Running for a shot, Danny moves in my way and I plow him over. He's up in a heartbeat.

"What the FUCK is your problem, Hawkes?" He pushes me. I push back.

"You're the one with the problem." Danny looks ready to breathe fire and comes toward me. I prepare for a fight, and then … He stops. The flame in his eyes dies down.

"You know what? I'm not doin' this. I don't care."

I stand in his way. "You don't care? After everything, you're going to stand there and say you don't care? Ask yourself why you're so pissed off, Danny."

"I don't have to explain myself to ya."

"You should be explaining yourself to Lindsay." His eyes narrow.

"Ah. You know all about Lindsay, doncha. You …" I can see him getting angry again, then he stops himself. "I don't care," he repeats, and turns to walk away.

"The fuck you don't care. C'mon Danny, fight for her, get mad." I walk toward him determined to break through. I put my lips near his ear. "I slept with her, Danny."

I watch the battle within him as he struggles to maintain control. I have to admit it's a little scary, but this man needs to break down. It's one of those "come to Jesus" moments where you have to face the music, get your shit together.

"I know. It's none of my business." He starts to leave again.

I try again, and this time I go for the jugular. "She told me about how much she loves you, how much you hurt her. Come on, you had a thong hanging out of your pants. What were you thinking? Was it necessary? Really, though, made my job easier. That's a fine woman you had there, Messer. So passionate - Who would have thought that sweet Montana girl had it in her?"

Danny whirls around and his fist connects with my jaw. I see stars as I fly backward, but I'm up in a minute, just in time to prepare for his rush. I sidestep, and when he gets up, I nail him - hey, I have anger issues, too. In the corner of my eye I see the owner stick his head in. "Leave it, Rusty," Danny snarls, and moves in. Rusty does.

Pain becomes secondary as Danny and I have it out, exchanging blows fueled by adrenaline. Finally, both bloodied and bruised, we collapse. "That's a lot of anger for a man who doesn't care," I wheeze.

"What's your problem? Why do you care 'bout me? You got her, you're sleepin' together."

"Slept."

"Whathefuck?"

"Slept. Past tense. It only happened once," I say, experiencing some déjà vu. "We were both hurting. I give you three guesses what Lindsay was hurting about, first two don't count."

"I know I hurt her. I felt like shit 'bout it. But it had to be done. I can't lose anyone else. I can't stand it."

I sigh. "Yeah, losing someone you love does hurt. Lindsay knows all about that. And that pain … is it gone, Danny? Are you going to tell me you don't feel it every time you look at her? Are you better off? Are you really?"

His eyes meet mine - the anger gone, replaced by a weary sadness. "What's it matter? I've been such an asshole, she wouldn't take me back, anyway. Besides, you and her …" His eyes shift down again.

"Are good friends. That's all. That night … well, it's over and done with, Danny, I promise you." I lean over and shake him. "Goddamn it, Danny, you're both in love, and miserable because you're not together. How stupid is that? You can fight, Messer, my face can testify to that. But can you fight that hard for someone who matters? Can't you fight that hard for Lindsay?"

He smiles a sad smile. "Hell, yeah, I can do that. But maybe she deserves better, ya know?"

"Maybe. But why don't you try and let her decide?"

Danny looks hard at me, and seems to come to a decision, hopping quickly to his feet. He groans. "Jesus, Doc. We're gonna be sore tomorrow." He looks down at me, then reaches out his hand. "C'mon."

I look at his hand a moment, then accept it, and he hauls me up. "Look, I don' know how I feel about what happened between you two - ah Hell, it sucks - but I appreciate what you did today. I guess I really needed my ass kicked."

I smile. "I guess you did."

Danny nods, then looks at me. "She really loves me, huh?"

"She really loves you. But she's going to make you beg."

He smiles ruefully. "Don't I know it."

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note: **Kind of a transitional chapter. Kind of boring, but I like transitions, so sue me! Comments are always lusted after, sooooo … REVIEW!_

**CHAPTER 8**

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

The alarm goes off for the third time, and I know pressing snooze again is not an option - I have to be to work in an hour. I sit up in bed and groan instinctively - my head is throbbing, my legs rubbery, my ribs sore. I walk into my bathroom, and the view in the mirror isn't much better. Black eye, bruised cheekbone with a small cut on my jaw. Wow.

Gotta watch out for those Statten Island boys. I comfort myself with the fact that Danny will look worse - bruises are more prominent on white skin. I sigh at my reflection a moment longer then go to dress. I've done my level best to help him get his head out of his ass. The rest is up to him.

I park in our structure at work, and ready myself. Flack and Lindsay will definitely have an idea of what happened. With both of our faces battered, it won't take much for the others to put two and two together. As I enter the lab, I ignore the curious looks and head to the locker room to find Lindsay already there.

I hear a sharp intake of breath. "Jesus, Sheldon. What happened? I'm going to kick Danny's …"

"Actually sweetie, I already did that, and he returned the favor. It was mutual, no one gets full blame." I hold my hand when she opens her mouth to speak. "Listen, it was coming, nothing was going to stop it. I just thought we should get it over with. And for what it's worth? He still loves you." Before she can say another word, I leave.

About an hour later, we've had our morning meeting. It's a slow day, and we're all working on previously existing cases. Danny and I both had our share of raised eyebrows, and after an initial nod, he and I pretty much ignore each other. I think everyone has moved on when Mac approaches my desk.

"Hawkes. In my office. You too, Danny." He jerks his head toward his door and leaves no room for argument - vintage Mac.

Like school children being sent to the principal's office, we file in and sit down. Mac sits across at his desk and looks at us sternly. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Rough racquetball game." Danny grunts.

"I've never seen a racquetball game cause this much damage. What else."

"Twinkle toes here tripped and fell down the locker room stairs," I add, trying not to smile.

Danny raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, it hurt like a bitch. Then Hawkes hit himself in the face with his own locker door. Klutz."

Mac glares at us. "Is that all you have to say?" We are silent. "All right, well, whatever's going on here better not affect my lab, boys. I mean it."

We know he does.

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

I'm furious at both of them. I end up getting the scoop from Flack, who got the scoop from some of his buddies at the gym where the great rumble took place. Fighting over me like a piece of meat. I'm headed to my car at the end of the day, and I see Danny at his. I erupt.

"Messer! What the hell? Why did you go after Sheldon? You have no right, no right! He's been a good friend to me, been there for me, he doesn't deserve crap from you." I'm so mad I'm shaking.

He opens his mouth to speak - I think he's gearing up a defense - then he stops. A beat later, he says: "You're right, Lindsay, I had no right. Not after how I've treated you. But if means anything, Hawkes found me, not the other way around."

I'm taken aback by his words and the sad look in his eyes. But I'm not ready to let him off the hook, Sheldon either. "Yeah, well, you both acted like a couple of idiots," I manage feebly.

Another beat. "Don't be mad at Hawkes - although who woulda thought the Doc had it in 'em? I deserved it, Lindsay. Someone needed to knock me upside the head."

Oh God, where did this contrite Danny come from? I'm thrown off, wary, and in emotional upheaval. Time to retreat. "I have to go." I turn and fumble for my keys, and they fall to the ground. "Shit!"

Danny ambles over and picks them up for me. He unlocks my door, opens it, and hands me my keys. I take them, avoiding his eyes, and get in the car. He gazes at me, and I'm locked by those eyes. I fear his next words.

"Good night, Montana." He leaves me dumbfounded. Such a simple statement, such complex emotions. He hasn't called me Montana in, well … since he told me we were done. For the second time in as many days, my mind is dominated by one thought:

_Uh oh_.

_**Hawkes**_

I hear the tentative knock on my door and smile. I peer out the peep hole. "Are you armed?"

Lindsay huffs out an impatient breath. "Just open the door."

"You're not going to hurt me?"

"Only if you don't open the door. The chocolate chip cookie dough is melting."

That's enough for me, and I greet her with a smile. I can tell she's trying not to smile back as she comes in and stashes the goods in the freezer. "Ice cream's going to wait for now. What possessed you to go over and start a fight with Danny? By the way, you look like hell."

"Thanks," I mutter. "So have you talked to him yet?"

"I saw him in the parking garage. He basically apologized for treating me badly. That's about it. Oh, and he called me Montana - haven't heard that in awhile."

I struggle not to grin. Who knew? Danny Messer could be subtle.

"What about you, Sheldon? Did you ask out that artist yet?

"Nicole? Not yet … we just run into each other from time to time." I head to the kitchen to get the ice cream. I don't want her to continue because I'm not sure how I feel yet. Nicole has basically sent me the "I've available and interested" signals, and just when I get ready to respond, Faith calls. It's not fair to either of us to rush.

Luckily, Lindsay is lost in her own thoughts. "Do you think he wants me back?" she asks softly.

"Maybe. The more important question is, do you want him back?"

She smiles sadly. "That's the million dollar question."

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note:** Sigh. The angst continues! Please R&R. All constructive comments are welcome. _

**CHAPTER 9**

**_Lindsay Monroe_**

"Whatcha got, Montana?"

I jump slightly. The return of my nickname - abandoned when he broke my heart - sets me on edge. Part of me welcomes the ease in tension that has existed between us, but the cautious Lindsay fears his motives.

"No match on the fingerprints we found on the murder weapon. Waiting for trace to get back on that substance we found on her dress." An 82-year-old grandmother was stabbed to death with her own kitchen knife in what we believe was staged to look like a robbery - the place was ransacked, but the woman's handbag with over $200 in cash was untouched.

"Has Flack turned up anybody that may get something outta her death?"

"He's working on it, haven't heard anything yet."

I'm checking out the crime scene photos and feel Danny's presence directly behind me. "See anything interesting?" he asks, breath hot on my neck.

Trying to quell the goose bumps his proximity creates, I clear my throat and move away. "Um, no."

I fidget around the office, out of sorts with his eyes on me. "Listen, I have to get going. I'm pretty tired, and I'll bet trace won't have anything until tomorrow."

"Hot date?"

A loaded question. I'm tempted to issue a sharp retort, but I don't want him to realize how he affects me. "With my couch and a pint of ice cream," I say lightly, and then, before I can stop myself: "What about you?"

"One-on-one with Flack at the Y," he says. "I'm on a health kick - losin' some filthy habits I picked up. I'm eatin' better, cuttin' back on the booze - I want my life back on track, one thing at a time."

I turn around from the cupboard I was rummaging in to find him immediately behind me, blue eyes trapping me in their gaze. I'm breathless at the thought of what may happen, powerless to move.

"Montana ..." he murmurs. My breath catches -

Saved by footsteps. Stella moves into view. "'Night guys!"

Thank God for Stella. "'Night Stell," Danny and I say in unison as I step away and gather my things.

My emotions in turmoil, I'm frustrated when Danny follows me to the elevators - I need space - NOW. On the way down, I'm silent, most of me praying that he doesn't try anything, a small part of me afraid that he won't. I sense that he wants to say something, but the ride is uneventful and we silently head to our cars. In my haste to get to my vehicle, I trip on uneven pavement, and I fall forward, landing on my forearms, the contents of my purse scattering.

"Jesus! You okay?" Danny helps me up, but I quickly move away.

"I'm fine," I say, avoiding his eyes. He helps me gather my things. I put my wallet away and am in the process of stashing a tampon in the side pocket when I notice silence. I turn to see him looking at a small leather picture frame - the kind that folds in half with the snapshot on one side and a mirror on the other. _Dammit!_ I curse silently. I would he found the tampon.

"I woulda thought you'd gotten rid of this a long time ago," he says quietly. I walk over and look at the picture for a moment. In it, Danny and I are at Coney Island, sunburned and smiling like fools. I remember that day - it was full of cotton candy, stomach-churning rides and long, wet kisses stolen whenever we had the chance. We were so happy …

I snap out of it. "Yeah, well, I haven't cleaned out my purse in awhile." I snatch it back and turn away. "I have to go."

"See ya, Montana."

I try to ignore the sadness in his voice, but I can't, because I feel it, too.

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

"I swear, Shel, I should just sell this goddamned ring and end this, once and for all," Faith sobs in my ear. "I mean, Obsession? What cheap tramp wears Obsession anymore?"

I kind of like Obsession. Oh well. We've been talking for two hours - actually, Faith's been talking for two hours - and my mind keeps wandering. Thing is, I can't bring myself to end the call - I like feeling needed, I suppose, and Faith gives me that in spades.

For that reason, I haven't followed up on any of Nicole Tucker's hints that she would like to see me socially - you know, a date. Something normal people do - normal people who aren't hung up on a beautiful, unobtainable pipe dreams named Faith.

"You should just get away, you know, find some space," I sigh, knowing I've said a variation of these words at least a hundred times in the past year.

"It's not that easy! I just - "

_Beep! _My call waiting signals me, and I am relieved. "Hey Faith? I'm sorry, sweetie, but I've got a call."

"But Sheldon, I need -"

"It's work, Faith. I have to go, I'm on call." It's actually Lindsay, whom I work with, and she's on call, so it's not really a lie, right? Right. I click over.

"Miss Monroe. It's 11:45, 15 minutes short of the witching hour. Why are you calling? Hmmm …" I muse. "Booty call?"

"In your dreams, Hawkes," she grumbles, and I chuckle. Lindsay Monroe is the first woman I've known that can joke about a one-night stand. "Look, I'm sorry, it's late. I'm probably keeping you -"

"No, saving me's more like it. I was just hearing about the trials of Faith, part 187. I'll take Lindsay part whatever over that. What's up?"

"More Danny whining …"

"It's fine, Linds. Spill."

"He wants me back, Sheldon. Today I thought - I thought he was going to kiss me, tell he he loves me, something. And I was going to let him, but Stella came by. He's different, like he used to be. He tells calls me Montana, jokes around …"

"That bastard. Want me to clean his clock again?"

"Sheldon, I'm serious. I think I've got my guard up and he sneaks through the holes in my armor."

"Maybe you left those holes open on purpose, Lindsay, ever think of that?" Even as I say this, I'm torn. I know Danny wants Lindsay back, but will he do it right this time? No more journeys into the land of animal-printed temptresses?

"He hurt me."

I sigh. As much as part of me wants to tell her to stay away, I know the crazy kids love each other. "I know, and I can't guarantee that he won't again. But just be open - follow your instincts."

Soon after, we say our good-byes. About 15 minutes later, the phone rings, and I see Faith's number on the caller ID. I know I shouldn't answer, but I reach for the phone anyway. Too bad I can't follow my own advice.

**_Lindsay_**

Okay, I just finished a pint of ice cream. How cheesy is that? Typical jilted girl behavior. I keep thinking of Danny, and I guess I figured a littlebrain freeze might help, but no.

I reach over to my purse and pull out the Coney Island picture. I am such a liar - even after everything, I can't let go of that picture, of the happiness I felt that day. As if a slip of paper in a frame could recapture it for me.

I head to bed, dressed in my usual uniform of a white T-shirt and boxers. Despite my best efforts, my mind drifts to Danny, the look in his eyes before Stella's well-timed appearance, the longing on his face when he saw the Coney Island picture.

"Maybe Sheldon's right. I should be open." I murmur as I drift off.

_**"Was I right? Isn't it awesome? I mean wheat's cool, but do ya have anything like this in Montana." **_

I smile at the boyish glee in Danny's voice, the pride, as if he built the wonder that is Coney Island with his own two hands. "It's pretty wonderful, but …"

"What? No buts …"

"But funny this is," I continue, "all I want to do is be alone with you …"

"Mmmm …" Danny kisses me gently. "You taste like cotton candy."

"Want some more?" I purr, pulling him behind a refreshment stand for relative seclusion.

Like teenagers, we neck, Danny's body flush against mine, our hearts beating an erratic rhythm matched only by our heated breathes. "Oh God, Danny … I'm so happy."

"I know honey …" His words are inviting, but suddenly seem far away, distracted.

In some part of my conscious mind, I know this is a departure from that day's actual events, but my dream plays on …

**_"Danny, what's wrong?" My dream self struggles to hold on as he pulls away, looking over his shoulder. I see the voluptuous blonde from DeMarco's, this time wearing a zebra-striped catsuit - tacky bitch - and beckoning him scarlet-tipped finger. _**

"C'mon baby, I'll give you what you really want." Sheena the jungle tramp growls. "You don't want her … she'll just hurt you. I can make you forget."

To my horror, he moves toward her, almost floating, as I scream: "Danny! Stop! I love you! We can be happy!"

"Sorry, Montana," he mumbles, not even looking at me. "I can't do this anymore …"

I bolt upright in bed, my heart pounding, tears streaking my cheeks. The pain burns almost as badly as it did that night when he told me good-bye …

"I'm so stupid. Never again, Danny, never again."

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own these people. _

_**Author's Note:** Here's another one. You guys should know by now that I go in spurts. . _

**CHAPTER 10**

**_Lindsay Monroe_**

It's 8 a.m., and the beginning of a new day … a new life, one in which Danny Messer does not exist except as a coworker. I'm going to be direct and professional. I look up to see him sauntering in wearing a thin blue sweater that accents his eyes. _Stop it! He's a coworker! Who cares about his beautiful blue - _I shake my head almost violently,erasing the thought.

"You okay, Montana?" _I wish he'd stop calling me that_.

With a courteous smile, I answer. "Sure, Danny. Hey, I found a notation in Helen Geddy's date book for a Richmond Cauffield, III. Apparently he was her attorney and was supposed to meet with her today at 9 a.m."

Danny glances at his watch. "Hmm. Midtown Manhattan. If we hurry, we might get there on time."

An hour and five minutes later, we are seated in the waiting area of Cauffield's office. It's a nice office - tastefully decorated, with current magazines and an attractive receptionist.

"Richmond Cauffield, III. Sounds like a real knob to me," Danny grumbles. We didn't stop for coffee, and he's grumpy.

"Ssshhh! Here comes his assistant."

"Detectives? Mr. Cauffield will see you now. It's so terrible about Mrs. Geddy! She was such a sweet woman!"

We are led back to a large office dominated by a large window overlooking the skyline. Despite the stuffiness of his name, Cauffield's about 35, with thick dark hair, intelligent hazel eyes and warm smile.

"Detective Messer? Detective Monroe?" He shakes both our hands. "I'm pleased to meet you, although sorry it's under these circumstances. How can I help?"

"How 'bout tellin' us what you were meetin' bout today?" Cauffield frowns slightly at Danny's mildly belligerent tone. I decide to step in.

"Mr. Cauffield, we suspect Mrs. Geddy's death may have been staged to look like a robbery, and we're looking for someone who may have a more personal motive. Perhaps you can help?"

He smiles sadly at me. "Of course. Unfortunately, I have an idea that may help you." He walks to his desk and glances in a file. "Mrs. Geddy's health was failing, and her estate was meant to be divided between her two grandchildren. Then, last year, her granddaughter Elizabeth was killed in a car accident in Pennsylvania, where she was attending college. That left Ben."

"Ben?" Danny asks.

"Benjamin Robert Geddy. Anyway, Mrs. Geddy had been recently very upset about Ben's behavior. He's 22, hasn't done anything with his life. She was already considering cutting him out of the will when she found some valuable jewelry missing. Mrs. Geddy wasn't so upset about the monetary loss, but the sentimental value," Cauffield's eyes never leave mine, and that's not a bad thing - he's cute. "The pieces stolen included her late husband's wedding band and a diamond watch her son gave her several years ago. She told me it was the last straw - she said she knew Ben stole the items to buy drugs."

Danny clears his throat. "So, she was meetin' with you this morning to cut junior out of the will?"

"I believe so."

"Do you have any idea where this Ben might be, Mr. Cauffield?" I ask.

He smiles at me - nice smile, great teeth. "Please call me Rich." I see Danny roll his eyes. "I heard he was doing some work at an apartment complex off 53rd and Vine, repairing drywall."

We get the information and take our leave, but not before exchanging business cards. Mr. Cauffield - Rich - shakes my hand, meeting my gaze. "Please call if you need anything, Det. Monroe."

We leave, heading down the elevator. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I ask.

"That Cauffield has the hots for you? Yeah, that's what I'm thinkin'."

"Actually I was thinking that about the fact that the dust we found on Mrs. Geddy's dress was gypsum, which is what drywall's made of."

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

I shake my head as I watch Danny slam around the break room. "Hawkes, you drink all the coffee?"

"Nope. Always get my special brew from Starbucks on the way in."

He grumbles something about me being high maintenance and stomps off. I hope he and Lindsay find some happy medium - this is getting annoying. I head toward the elevator and see Lindsay at her desk.

"Of course Mr. Cau- I mean, Rich. We will notify you if we need further assistance." A pause, Lindsay smiles. "Well, yes, it was nice to meet you, too. Drinks? Um, not while the case is ongoing …" Another pause. "I guess we could see about that. Okay. Yeah, you, too. Bye."

"What was that all about?"

Lindsay grins at me. "Hot guy. Likes me. Asked me out for drinks. He's a witness right now, but later …"

I chuckle. "Now are you truly interested or just trying to get at Danny?"

Lindsay looks offended. "This has nothing to do with Danny! I'm done with him, Sheldon, done!"

She stomps off. I take a quick sniff under my arm. Do I smell? I proceed down the hall and get in the elevator. It stops on the second floor and I smile warmly when Nicole Tucker steps aboard. Dressed in a beautifully-cut gray suit with a deep purple blouse, she's quietly stunning.

"Good morning, Detective."

"Good morning. What are you up to?"

"Just finished a sketch for a 4-year-old that saw his mother mugged on the way home from the park. Amazing memory, it turned out better than I expected. As for later … that all depends on you."

"Me?" We step out into the lobby.

She smiles. "In this day and age, sometimes it doesn't pay to be subtle. Sheldon, would you like to have dinner with me?"

I'm truly charmed, and shocked that I didn't make the first move with this lovely woman. Just then, my cell phone rings. "Excuse me … I'm sorry." She doesn't mind - she knows the nature of my job.

"Faith" my caller ID reads. I groan inwardly.

"Is it important?" Nicole breaks my reverie. My eyes meet hers, and I stuff my phone back in my pocket. _Not this time, Faith_.

"You know what? It's not. About tonight - were you thinking Italian?"

"Actually, if you're feeling adventurous, there's this new Greek place I discovered …"

I relax as we plan our evening, enjoying a normal conversation with a beautiful woman.

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these people._

**Author's Note:** I'm hoping the way I wrote this takes care of any conflict of interest concerns with Lindsay and Cauffield. I remember Mac going out with that woman that was a witness in one of his cases, so I thought this would be okay. Your thoughts are welcome.

I'm having issues with this one. I will do my best not to disappoint.

**CHAPTER 11**

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

We found Ben Geddy on the floor of his filthy one bedroom apartment in Queens. He was clearly high - likely on heroin, judging from the rubber band around his upper arm and the syringe nearby. He was also babbling.

"I'm so sorry, Grandma. I just had to, the monsters were coming …"

Flack sighed. "C'mon you miserable piece of shit," he said, grabbing his arm. Danny grabbed the other and he was hauled to a nearby hospital to detox.

Several hours later, a more lucid Ben sat across from us, dark circles under his eyes. He was pathetic - only 22 and he looked like he was almost 40. At well over 6 feet, he weighed only 130 pounds.

"We got ya dead ta rights, Ben. You're fingerprints on the murder weapon, not to mention your DNA," Danny said. We had found other blood on the knife than the victims, and testing proved it was Ben's. "Whatcha got to say for yourself?"

"Nothing," said Harvey Markel, Ben's lawyer, a harried-looking public defender in horn-rimmed glasses and a wrinkled suit. "Not unless we talk about a deal."

"Deal?" Danny exclaimed, surprise on his face. "We got the DNA, the motive, the fingerprints …"

"And a confession from a man high on heroin. Look, we can do this the hard way or we can talk a deal."

I roll my eyes, but ask, "What kind of deal?"

"We plead guilty to second degree murder, 25 to life."

"Ah. No first, no death penalty," Danny surmised.

"In court, we would argue that he was under the influence of narcotics when he encountered his grandmother. But if you let us plead down to second, no trial, the public saves money, and Mr. Geddy is still off the streets."

Mr. Geddy didn't look like he cared what happened to him. "I loved my grandma …" He whined.

"Fine, we'll take it to the prosecutor." I grumble. Danny nods his weary agreement. This case is pathetic enough without heading to court.

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

I'm whistling as I enter the lab. Stella smiles at me. "You seeing that sweet little artist again this evening?"

"Yep. And her name's Nicole, Stella." I can't help but grin. I've seen her three times since our first meeting, and have had no trouble ignoring Faith's calls. Nicole is so fresh, open, without any never-ending sob stories to complicate our evenings. In short? For once in my life, I'm having fun.

All in all, it's been a good day. Had an easy robbery case I worked with Mac - the doer was an ex-con with fingerprints on record. And this evening Nicole and I were going to watch old movies at my place … definite possibilities.

"Hey Lindsay, how'd the case end up?"

"Oh, the prosecutor agreed to the plea. It's done, the guy's going to jail for a long time. It's just sad - that poor woman lost her son and daughter-in-law on 911, her granddaughter dies last year and her grandson's a drug fiend that slaughtered her for money."

"At least you put him away, Lindsay, that's something." She nods, but I notice she still looks down. "Hey, you can't save the world, just do what you can."

"I know. Hey, you look nice, smell good, too. Big plans?

"A cozy evening watching Bogey and McCall movies." I waggle my eyebrows.

Lindsay laughs. "Good for you. Have a great time."

She slumps away. I feel bad. Lindsay needs something to snap her out of her funk. Just then, Messer, comes in. "You seen Montana?"

"Yeah, she just left." Danny's slump is eerily familiar. "You two going to ever do anything else besides make her miserable?"

"What do ya want me to do, Hawkes? I've tried to give her space, ya know, kind of let the dust settle, but I'm not feelin' a welcoming vibe, ya know?"

I sigh with a bit of impatience. "It's going to take a long time for her to get over it, thong boy, if she gets over it. Deal with it."

I leave and, despite my good mood, have difficulty not smacking Danny upside the head. I'm sick of his pity party. If he's good enough for Lindsay, he's going to have to prove it.

_**Lindsay**_

A couple of weeks later, I feel a bit like a hamster on a wheel. My cases have been relatively hum drum and easy to solve - which is a good thing, but I'm bored. Most evenings find my butt on the couch watching Law & Order SVU reruns. Christopher Meloni is the closest thing I've had to a date lately - he' s cute and all, but it's hard to snuggle up to a TV. Sheldon could usually be relied upon to break the tedium, but he and Nicole have been seeing a lot each other, so …

Oh well. I'm happy for him, just feeling sorry for myself.

"Hey Mac! What's going on?" I'm hopeful for an interesting case to divert me.

"Quiet night, Lindsay. There's a case on 43rd that Stella's got, but it sounds pretty routine. Why don't you just catch up on paperwork?"

I groan inwardly, but head to my desk. Half and hour later my eyes are really glazing over when the phone rings. "Detective Monroe." I mumble, stifling a yawn.

"Yes, hello! Um, not sure if you'd remember me, but my name is Rich Cauffield? I met you when we were discussing Mrs. Geddy?"

"Oh! Yes!" I sit up straight, nearly knocking over my coffee. "Of course Mr. Cauffield. How are you?"

"Please call me Rich. I'm better, especially since I heard Ben Geddy is in prison. Great job, by the way."

"Well, you pointed us in the right direction. What can I do for you?"

He clears his throat. "I was just thinking, now that the case is settled, you might be willing to meet me this evening for drinks? I don't know if you would want to …"

"You know what Rich? That sounds great. Where and when?"

We agree to meet at the Concord Hotel bar at 8:30 p.m. I smile to myself. This might be the jump start I need.

"Hot date?" I don't need to look up to know the speaker.

"That's really none of your business, Danny."

"Yeah, well, you could do a lot betta, ya know? Mr. Attorney was lookin' at ya like a piece of prime Angus beef. He just wants to get in your pants, Montana."

I feel an angry flush climb my cheeks. "Well, at least he doesn't have lingerie hanging out of his." I stomp away.

_Screw him. _

**TBC**  



	12. Chapter 12

-1**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own CSI: NY or its characters. _

_**Author's note:** I'm planting the seeds … thanks for reading and for your support. Girls, ever meet a Rich Cauffield? Perfect in every way except in your heart? Comments are welcome ..._

**CHAPTER 12**

**_Lindsay Monroe_**

Paperwork was tedious and traffic horrible, so I didn't make it home until 7:30. A whole half hour to get ready for my first post-Danny date. Can't really count Sheldon … we were "buddies" for one night. You know old adage: Friends are friends, pals are pals, but buddies sleep together? Ha! No more, though. _Nicole and Sheldon, sitting in a tree ..._ I hum to myself as I head to the closet.

So Mr. Attorney, what is your pleasure? Overtly sexy? Demure? Casual? Funky? Well, number one is more leopard girl, and I'm not going there. Demure just says wimpy to me, can't be too casual at the Concord, and I never learned funky in Montana, so … I finally settle on some figure-hugging black pinstripe pants and a red asymmetrical halter. Gold hoops and a flirty updo. I check my reflection and add lip gloss. Not bad.

I rush into the lobby at 8:32 and see Rich relaxing at the bar. He looks good - navy blue slacks, lighter blue shirt unbuttoned at the collar. His hair, without the benefit of the gel he used to slick it back earlier - likely his corporate look - was thick and curly. Hmmm … could be a promising evening.

I walk up to his shoulder. "Hey."

He turned around, and the smile on his face tells me my hurried efforts were not for naught - he's pleased. "Lindsay … you look wonderful. Thanks for meeting me." He stands until I settle next to him.

"What would you like?"

"Amaretto sour." I say - it's the only mixed drink I can tolerate. He orders that and straight McCallum scotch.

He smiles at me again. "I was worried you'd turn me down."

"Because of the case? Well, it's already settled - you know Geddy plead out."

"Yes, but I actually thought you and Det. Messer …"

He trails off, probably because of the surprise on my face and the downward cast of my eyes. "I'm sorry," Rich murmurs. "It's none of my business."

What the hell, might as well put it out there. "We were involved at one time, but it's over."

He seems relieved at my finality, and we move on to lighter topics. I tell him about my life in Montana and why I moved to New York. He tells me of his beginnings as a high-level litigator working for a medical insurance company.

"I felt like I lost my soul bit by bit with each case," he said, looking down. "These poor people only wanted the benefits promised them. I left after eight months, went into contract law. I deal with some greed - see Mr. Geddy - but my job is usually pretty straight forward, no sleazy lawyer-joke stuff."

I smile sympathetically. "Don't be so hard on yourself, at least you left. And thanks to you, a killer's behind bars."

We talk well into the night, and we leave the bar shortly after 1 a.m. He walks me to my car and opens my door for me. I turn and smile at him. "Thank you for a lovely evening."

Rich smiles. "Maybe we can do it again? Dinner maybe?"

I nod, and am not surprised when he leans in, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. I respond, and he pulls me closer, deepening the kiss. A moment later he gives me another hug and I get into the car.

"See you soon, Lindsay," he says, his smile warm with promise.

I brood as I drive home. Rich Cauffield was charming, intelligent, thoughtful and undeniably attractive. So why was it I felt nothing when he kissed me?

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

Monday morning is as bright and sunny as my mood. Nicole and I spent the weekend together. It's sounds cheesy, but we spent Saturday flying kites in Central Park. It was fun to relax and feel like a kid again - she brings that out in me. We ate at a cute Italian restaurant by her house, and went to Cozy's for some smooth jazz.

When I said goodnight at her door, I kissed her, then took my leave. On Sunday we saw a Broadway matinee - a revival of Carousel. She loves musicals. A night of dancing followed and I again said good-bye at her door. I'm sure she's wondering why I haven't made the big move - you know, trying to get her in the sack - but I owe it to her and myself to take things slowly. I'm still avoiding Faith's calls, but haven't been able to bring myself to cut her off for good.

It will happen, and soon, I tell myself. Luckily for me, Nicole seems to understand - our conversations have led me to believe she's been hurt in the past, and doesn't mind the leisurely pace I've set.

I arrive at work only to be quickly dispatched to a suspected gang shooting in east Harlem. I grin as Mac sends Lindsay to join me. "You're chipper today," she says as we slide into my Explorer.

"Great weekend." I fill her in on the particulars. She chuckles.

"You'd better make a move, Sheldon, she might think you're gay."

I laugh in response. "Well … I could have you set her straight." I earn a slap on the back of my head, but she smiles.

"Hey, I wasn't the only one with weekend plans. What happened with the attorney?"

"It was nice!"

"Nice? There's a but in there."

"No, no buts. He was really great - very good-looking, polite …"

"Sounds like a well-mannered golden retriever." Another smack, harder this time.

"I had a great time. Now leave me alone!"

I sigh. Somehow I think there's only one man who could evoke a more passionate response from Lindsay Monroe, and his name is Danny Messer.

We get to our destination and work the case, which is a mess. The man - boy, really, looks about 16 - was shot several times, two shots to his head littering the pavement with bone fragments and grey matter. We work mainly in silence - I sense that Lindsay needs to be left alone otherwise.

Back at the lab, we process evidence, and later, as I ponder the voluminous paperwork, she nudges me and smiles. "Go home, Doc. Have a good night. I could use the busy work."

I look at her a moment before nodding reluctantly. "Take care of yourself, Monroe."

When I walk into my apartment, the first thing I see is the blinking red light of my answering machine. I hit the button and Nicole's lovely modulated voice comes through - "Just thinking about you. I'll be out late - I'm teaching a sketch class at the community center down the street - but maybe we can meet for lunch tomorrow? Call me in the morning?

I smile, making a note to do just that. I turn to change clothes when it rings again. Thinking it's Nicole, I pick up the phone and luckily glance at the Caller ID. Faith. My grip tightens as it continues to ring.

_C'mon Sheldon_, I chastise myself. _Answer the phone and end this once and for all. _

But I can't do it. My machine clicks on and my voice urges the caller to leave a message. As always, Faith does.

"Baby, I miss you. I'm sitting here alone, wishing you were here. Robert and I - it's finished, Sheldon. I want you. I've always wanted you. Call me - I don't care when."

And despite the loveliness of Nicole Tucker, part of me wants to. My fingers itch to dial Faith's number - and not to give her the brush-off as I had intended. The insidious part of me that will always love her wants to call and tell her everything's okay, but rational thoughts prevail.

Just in case, I toss the phone in the toilet on my way to the shower. Can't been too careful.

**_Lindsay_**

I'm on my way to my car that evening when I run into Flack. "Hey Monroe! Just headin' home?"

"Yep, and not a moment too soon. Gang shooting are such a pain."

He agrees, then: "I hear you had a date. Good time?"

I nod warily - I suspect Danny's behind this. Flack reads my mind.

"You're my friend, Lindsay, I'm asking because I care about you, not because of Danny. He and I - well, we avoid talkin' about you. He knows I know he screwed things up, and doesn't want to hear about it. So tell me, this guy the love of your life? Cuz if he is, I need to prep Messer."

I consider my response. "We just had drinks, Don. It's a little early. He's nice."

"Nice, huh." He's quiet a few moments. "Did you know I was engaged once?" I shake my head, surprised. "I asked her on my 19th birthday - I was just about to start at the academy. Laura, Laura Lee McNally. I fell in love with her when I was 16 and kissed her behind the bleachers at a football game."

He's wistful, eyes far away. He anticipates my next question. "She died two years later - slipped on a divin' board at the Y, hit her head. She never regained consciousness."

I reach out and touch his arm. "Don, oh my God, I'm sorry …"

Flack waves away my condolences. "I'm okay. Now, anyway. What I'm gettin' at is, I knew she was special from the moment I touched her. Just felt somethin'. No matter what happens with Messer, don't settle for anything less than that."

With that, he kissed my forehead and walks away, leaving me stunned in his wake. What is this, Confuse Lindsay Day?

An hour later, I'm grateful for the peace and quiet of my apartment. There's a message from Rich, asking me to call him, but I decide to let it wait until tomorrow. I settle chin-deep into a warm bubble bath and collect my thoughts.

Richmond Cauffield is everything I should want right now. Gentle, intelligent, attentive. Why is it then, that every time I close my eyes I see Danny?

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own these characters, I just manipulate them for my amusement. _

_**Author's note:** Sometimes the best way to get out of a writing funk is just to get something down. Here it is, for better or worse. I'm kinmd of tying up Sheldon's part of the story and moving on with Danny and Lindsay ... your thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated!_

**CHAPTER 13**

**_Sheldon Hawkes_**

Nicole and I are spending a delightful evening together curled up on the couch, talking and listening to smooth jazz. She looks beautiful in the candlelight, her skin shifting into lovely hues with each flicker of the flame.

"You're beautiful," I say, without realizing at first that I've vocalized my thoughts.

She smiles gently, reaching up to touch my cheek. "So are you."

I pull her to me, kissing her softly before she settles on my chest. We've discussed most everything tonight - touch cases, triumphs, childhood. There is one subject left untouched, until now.

"What's her name, Sheldon?"

I pause, then realize it's time. "Faith."

"She break your heart?"

I think carefully before I respond. "I don't know if she broke it as much as held it hostage."

"Has she released it?" Nicole has lifted her head to meet my eyes. There's a charge, and I realize there is nowhere else I'd rather be - in this moment, with this woman.

I touch her lips with mine, then meet her gaze once again. "No. You have."

Tears form and she smiles. "I've been waiting for that."

"I've been waiting for you."

We melt into each other, kisses deepening, clothing falling gently to the floor. Our movements become more urgent, leaving us no time to move to the bedroom. Afterward, she falls asleep in my arms, and I can't remember when I've been so happy.

------------------------------------------------------

An hour later, I leave Nicole slumbering peacefully on my bed, where she lays adorably cuddled in my sheets and pillows. I walk to the balcony and check my watch - 1:14 a.m. Well shit - she's called me later. My fingers deftly dial the familiar numbers on my cell.

"Shel? Is that you, baby?" Her voice is full of relief.

"Hello Faith."

"It's been so long, I was worried. I need to -"

"Faith. I'm calling to say good-bye."

"Good-bye? Sheldon Hawkes, you can't -"

"I can, and I am Faith. I need to move on, and maybe this is what you need to move on as well."

"But I love you! You're my -"

"You don't love me, Faith. I don't know if you ever did. Listen, be happy, Faith, and don't settle. I finally realize I can't." I click off my cell, cutting off her protests, and make a note to change my number. Moving silently back through my apartment, I rejoin the woman that changed my life.

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

I can't help but smile through my somewhat blue mood. Sheldon and I met for coffee before work and he filled me in on his big break from Faith. I'm pleased - I ran into he and Nicole one evening at the lab - I was coming on shift as Sheldon was leaving. She's beautiful, sweet, and obviously adores him.

I've been avoiding Rich's calls the past couple days. We've had three dates over the past weeks, each ending with kisses that increased in ardor on his part. I just responded mechanically, waiting for that spark, that WOW feeling. It never arrived.

It pisses me off. He's everything I should want. On those dating websites we'd probably be a perfect match. Too bad those sites aren't full proof.

"Mornin' Montana." I look up to meet the blue eyes of the man I believe has spoiled things for me. I grunt a greeting in return and begin reviewing lab results from yesterday. Danny takes the hint and we work in silence.

Danny's cell rings. "Yeah, Messer." I watch him frown with concern.

"Hey Di." Pause. Who the hell is Di? Danny's face brightens a bit. "Honey, that's great. Tonight? Uh, yeah, sure. Look, I'll meetcha at that deli on your block … 6 o'clock? 'Kay, bye."

He clicks off, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Who was that?" The question's out before I can stop it.

"Di - Diana Petrillo, Louie's girlfriend. They were together on and off, I dunno, for 10 years or so?"

I remember her now: a woman with overly-processed hair and heavy makeup that streaked her face when she cried. She had a tough exterior but kind eyes, and anyone could tell she was truly heartbroken over Louie's death. "She's having a hard time, huh?"

"Devastated. She calls me a lot, I think I remind her of him. Today, though, she sounds okay - wants to meet for dinner, says she has good news." He shrugs. "Di's been kinda lost, so I'm glad to hear her sound hopeful about something. She'd never marry Louie - kept wantin' him to clean up his act - but she always loved him. She's been in a lotta pain. I hope things are lookin' up for her."

Danny wanders off to complete some lab work as my heart goes out to Di - Louie was her life and now he's gone. Was that what Danny was afraid of? A hint of understanding seeps through the walls I've erected against Danny Messer. He broke my heart, but part of me realizes it all to protect himself, a defense mechanism after a year of almost continual pain.

I brush the thought aside. I can't go there, not now.

**_Danny Messer_**

"Hey you."

Di sees me and breaks into a grin. "Danny!" She rushes over and throws her arms around me. When she pulls back, I take a good look and like what I see. The circles are still under her eyes, but they've faded. Her hair's been recently done, and she's taken time with her looks - has makeup, neat clothes that match. It's a good thing - she was kind of a trianwreck after Louie died.

"You look good, Di. What's up?"

She smiles a bit sadly. "Actually, Danny, I've come to say good-bye. I'm going to Arizona"

I'm shocked. Who would ever thought Di would leave New York? "Arizona? You goin' to see your Ma?"

Di nods, smiling. "My sister Suzy's there, too. I'm actually goin' to live with her. She has a salon, I can do nails there." I must look worried, because she gives me another hug. "It's a good thing, Danny. I need to get away from here, everything reminds me of Louie."

"It hurts, huh?"

"Yeah, but that's not why I'm leavin'. I've been feelin' better, ya know? I miss him like crazy, but I actually feel ready to move on, and it's hard to do that in New York. I need a fresh start."

We sit down at a table and order some soda from the waitress. I muster a smile. "If this helps make ya happy, then I'm all for it. Ya gotta get away, let Louie go."

Di shakes her head vigorously. "No, Danny, I'll never let Louie go. He's part of me, always will be. No matter what happens, I love him and I'm grateful he was part of my life. I just need space, breathing room."

I look at her quizzically. "No regrets? Even after everythin' he put ya through?"

She sighs. "Danny, my idea of love growin' up was Dad yellin' at Ma to get him a beer. Louie showed me somethin' different. Even though he's gone, and it hurts like hell, I'm glad I had that."

I'm quiet as her words sink in. I let Montana go to save myself from pain, but am I really happy now? No - I acted like an idiot and now I'm livin' like a monk. Bully for me. Reading my thoughts, or seeming to, Di reaches out for my hand. "How are you, Danny? How's that gal of yours? Lindsay? She seems like a nice girl."

I feel a headache forming. "Ya know, me and Lindsay - it just didn't work out. I wasn't ready, ya know?"

"Danny Messer, you're full of crap! You love that girl! Anyone can see it!"

I hang my head. She could always read me like a book. "I thought it'd be better for me, ya know? It's easier being free, no ties. Lot less painful."

"A lot more lonely, too, Danny. You still love her, don't you?" My silence seems to be enough of an answer. "Look, I'm not going to rest easy unless you promise me you're not gonna stop livin' Danny. You love this girl? Get her back - no matter what it takes. Promise?"

I look at her and think of all the crap she and Louie went through, just to finally be happy, then have him die. And here she is, tryin' to get me to be happy, to be with Lindsay. I finally admit that I can't have one without the other. "I can't promise anythin' Di, I really fucked things up. She may not want me."

She touches my cheek. "She loves you, Danny, anyone could see. Now you just need to remind her of that, make her see you've left the jackass part of ya behind."

Later, we're getting ready to leave and I give her one last hug. "Take care of you."

"Take care of you." She kissed my cheek. "Take care of that Lindsay, too, Danny."

"I'll try, Di, I'll try."

---------------------------------------------------

Later that night, I'm starin' at my cell. Gotta follow up on that promise, huh? I dial the numbers.

"Hey Montana," I reply to her puzzled greetin'. "That paperwork didn't keep ya too late, did it?"

"No, Danny. I'm at home, now. What's up?"

"Well, ya know, I was rememberin' how nice you were to Di, and I just wanted ya to know that she's doin' better. She met me to let me know she's movin' to Arizona to be with her family, fresh start. She seems happy about it, hopeful."

"That's great, Danny, really."

I pause, then plunge on. "I asked her, ya know, if she regretted her and Louie, how much it hurt when she lost him. Can ya believe she said no? Said bein' with Louie showed her what love was, that it was better to have that in her life, even for a short time. The pain was worth it."

Silence. Well, at least she didn't hang up. I continue. "I think she's right, Montana."

I hear an agitated sigh on the other end. "Danny, I don't think -"

"Ya know what, Montana? It's late, and you need your sleep. 'Night." I hang up and sit there in the dark. Step one. We'll see if she's willing to take step two.

_**Lindsay**_

I'm staring off into space, the chick flick on TV forgotten. _What are you doing, Danny?_ Along with the usual tension that accompanies my thoughts of him, a glimmer of hope worms its way through. And that worries me most of all.  
**  
TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters._

_**Author's Note:** I know this is cheesy but I think of Danny and Lindsay every time I hear "Far Away" by Nickelback. Had to fit it in somehow._

**_CHAPTER 14_**

**Lindsay Monroe**

The knock at my door comes shortly after midnight. A look through my peephole reveals a happy Sheldon Hawkes. "Sheldon!" I say when I open the door. "It's kinda late, isn't it?"

To my surprise, he breaks into a wide grin and picks me up off my feet, spinning me around. "She said yes, Lindsay. She said yes!"

Considering his obvious elation, I don't need to ask who or what "Nicole agreed to marry you? Oh, Sheldon, congratulations." He showed me the ring yesterday as we got off shift. They had been dating only three months, but he felt the time had come.

_"I'm 34 years old, Lindsay, Nicole's 31. We've both lived a lot in this life, been through a lot. We know what we want. Or at least I think I know what she wants."_ With that he had shown me a beautiful emerald cut sapphire, flanked by two diamonds – sapphire was Nicole's birthstone.

"So I take it she liked the ring?" I ask him, smiling when he finally puts me down.

He grinned. "Loved it. Said she always wanted a sapphire for her engagement ring. Can you believe it Lindsay? She wants to marry me. Who would have thought?"

I kiss him on the cheek. "I would have, Sheldon. I'm happy you found each other." I really am. I just wish I his joy was contagious – I could use some - but c'est la vie.

**_Sheldon Hawkes_**

I am a happy man. Ecstatic, actually. There's just one fly in the proverbial ointment. Lindsay Monroe. I want her to be happy as well – despite the old saying, happy loves company just as much as misery.

Well, there's not much I can do, except provide a possible venue for reconciliation. "Hey Messer."

"Hawkes!" Danny greets me with a smile. We've managed to move past most of the awkwardness of me sleeping with the love of his life. "I hear congrats are in order. Good for you, man."

I accept his handshake. "Thanks. By the way, Nicole and I are having a party at the Emerald Lounge on Friday – a friend of hers owns it, and it's all ours for the night. Drinks, great music … can you make it? Around 8?"

Danny seems to think a moment before nodding. "Yep, I'm not on that night. I'll be there with bells on."

I frown. "Not sure if I want to see that." Danny laughs as I turn to leave. I pause at the door. "Oh, and Danny?" He turns, eyebrow raised. "Lindsay's coming, too."

**Danny Messer**

"_Lindsay's coming, too."_

Three small words. Big impact. Somewhere along with way, after he slept with my ex-girlfriend, Hawkes became an ally – he actually seems to want me to patch things up with Lindsay. I'm just not sure I'm deservin', ya know? Still, Hawkes is my friend, so I'll be there. Beyond that? I guess I'll have to see what develops.

Friday arrives and I arrive in my usual party attire – jeans and a silk t-shirt. No chain, though – Montana used to tell me it made me look a little too much like a Mafia wannabe. The party is well underway – the double team of Hawkes and Nicole, a sweetie has brought out a good crowd. The team's all there: Mac, Stella, Flack, Pino, even Hammerbeck.

And Montana.

She looks beautiful in jeans and a black asymmetrical halter. I look around her and don't see anyone in particular nearby – namely that douche bag attorney she was datin'.

"Hey Messer. Close your mouth, stop drooling. She looks good, but it's embarrassing." Flack nudges me.

I smack his shoulder. "Bite me."

"You gonna talk to her?" He's been working on me for weeks. _Talk to her. Tell her you're sorry. Tell her you love her. _Yeah, right. After what I've done that would go over like a fart in church. I'm still staring at her when her eyes meet mine.

For one moment, the world stops, and it's just Lindsay and I in the room. I start thinkin' maybe they're right, I should talk to her – then she looks away, and suddenly I'm alone again, a sad sack in a crowd of merry makers.

"No," I grumble to Flack. "She doesn't need this – she doesn't need me." Despite some recent of ideas of winning her back, part of me knows I'm not good enough.

"Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't work, trust me." I turn to see Mac at my elbow with a beer.

"Ya know about me and-"

Mac rolls his eyes. "Kind of hard to miss, watching you two moon over each other the past few months. Look, Danny, I've been through the worst kind of pain …" Flack's nodding his agreement – he's no stranger to it himself. "Shutting the world away isn't the answer." I sigh – whatever Jedi Taylor. Easy for you to say – you never came to work with a thong hangin' outta your pants.

Flack claps his hand on my shoulder. "When ya get knocked down, get back on the horse, cowboy."

"Jesus, Flack, cut the Hee Haw crap. Who would want me after all I've put her through?"

"If I'm not mistaken, Lindsay does, even if she doesn't know it yet," Mac answers, but I'm still not buyin' it. Annoyed, they finally leave me in peace, and I sit at a nearby table to brood. I'm lost in thought when a familiar song begins to play … a song I've listened to at three in the morning when thoughts of Montana haunt my dreams.

_This time, this place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, too late  
Who was I to make you wait_ …

Drawn like magnets, my eyes find her across the room. She's was talking to Stella when I see her stop short, and her eyes meet mine.

_… I love you  
I have loved you all along  
and I miss you  
Been far away for far too long …_

Part of me – the wimpy jackass that took over my body – wants to look away, but the part of me that has loved her since I watched her grapple with a tiger's head can't.

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up …_

The tension between us crackles until the spell is broken when Lindsay looks away. Stella puts her arm on her shoulder and looks at me questioningly. I avert my eyes, reeling inside. Her shoulders are slumped, and she looks like she wants to be anywhere else but in the same room with me. My heart recognizes the truth.

It's too late. It's over. She doesn't want me. As Chad Kroeger mercilessly sings the song of my life, I blindly push through the crowd toward the back door.

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore…  
_  
Finally, I burst through the door into the alley. Fuck. Not a drop of booze in me and I feel like I have the worst fucking hangover. I lean against the brick of the building, breathing the fetid air of a nearby dumpster as I muster the energy to head home.

**_Lindsay _**

"Lindsay? You okay?" Stella puts her arm around me.

"Yeah …" I murmur vaguely. "I'm fine."

"Like hell," she says. "Do you love him?"

_… I need to hear you say  
that I love you  
I have loved you all along  
and I forgive you  
for being away for far too long …_

I look into Stella's concerned eyes. "Yes." I croak. "I love him, but –"

"No buts, honey. If you love him, go to him. He knows he was wrong and he loves you, but I don't think he knows how to reach you."

"I don't know what to say …"

She cuts me off. "Well think fast, Linds. Go to him. Talk. Find a way to bridge the gap, cause he was wearing the look of a man defeated. It may be your only chance."

In my heart I know she's right. Slowly, purposefully, I stand and move through the door Danny exited a few moments before. The rational part of me is yelling STOP! But some part of me knows if I don't go I may regret it for the rest of my life.

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these people_

_**Author's Note**: Okay, it's long and drawn out. I babble, it's what I do. _

**CHAPTER 15**

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

The music pounds in my ears as I make my way to the back door. When I step outside, I see Danny leaning against the alley wall, slumped over, head down. My first instinct is to hold him, tell him I forgive him, and that everything is going to be okay.

But I don't know that. I need to proceed carefully. "Danny?"

His head jerks up, and immediately those piercing ice blue eyes find mine in the dim light of the alley. I fumble for what to say. "We need to – I need to – I was thinking that …"

"What are you doing here, Lindsay?" His voice is weary.

I sigh. "I don't know."

"I know what I want." He says it baldly, so there's no mistaking his intention. "The question is what do you want?"

I look down and, not seeing an answer in the grimy concrete under my feet, decide temporary avoidance is the best course of action.

"What I want is not to discuss my romantic future in this decrepit alley."

A small smile graces his face, and I see a glimmer of the man I fell in love with. "Your place or mine, Mizz Monroe?" There's that Staten Island drawl again. _Steady Lindsay. Do this right. _

"Neither."

_**Danny Messer**_

She's quiet on the way to the lab, and I almost wish she would yell at me instead. At least that way I'd have somethin' to work with. With this silent treatment, I'm at a loss. Guess not everythin' has changed – Montana still keeps me off balance.

We arrive and take the elevator to the roof. I can't but help but remember the time she called me up there to help her with that "experiment." It was the first time I think she thoughta me as more than just her goofy, annoying partner.

"_Make tracks cowboy," she said, that flirtatious twinkle in her eye._ Who woulda thought three words could be so sexy? Who woulda thought I would stupid enough to let her go?

I return to the present as we step outside. It's nice – the perfect night with the perfect woman. If only I was the perfect man. I ready myself inside – time to get things movin'. "What're we doin' here, Montana?"

She faces me, a determined look furrowing her brow. "I guess I have a problem, Danny. You've given me every reason in the world to forget you, forget what we had. But I can't."

I'm at a loss. I've never been good at this relationship stuff, especially when I've royally fucked things up like I did with Lindsay. Suddenly feeling tired, I sit on a rickety deck chair someone left behind.

"I don't know what to tell ya, Montana, except I wouldn't blame ya for hatin' me for what I did. It was stupid. I can't get around that. If I could take it all back, I would. But all I can do is tell ya that I love you. That will never change."

_**Lindsay**_

_He loves me._ I think part of me knew – hoped – he did, but it's different to hear the words in real time instead of only in my dreams. As I sit down next to him, I close my eyes tightly, forcing myself to move beyond the emotions he stirs in me to the matter at hand.

"I need to know why, Danny. I guess on some level I get the fear part, but everything after … you cheapened what we had, Danny. You cheapened me and, worst of all, you cheapened yourself."

His eyes darken slightly. "Well, my motives weren't as pristine, I guess, as yours were for shackin' up with Hawkes –"

My temper flares. I jump to my feet. "Don't you ever, EVER talk to me about Sheldon. Yes, we slept together. Once, and it was over. But he was there for me when my heart was bleeding, Danny, bleeding because you stomped all over it. Jesus, Danny, you came to work with a thong hanging out of your pants, and you're trying to act all wronged because I turned to a close friend for comfort? Where did you meet these women – and I use that term loosely – on the street corner? Did you look them up in our arrest records and pick out your favorite animal print? Explain that to me, Danny."

About midway through my tirade Danny started waving his hands, realizing I guess that he was out of line. When I stop to breathe, he breaks in. "I know. I'm sorry. I never should have brought up Hawkes. I just – well, that killed me inside. I think because I always felt you should be with someone like that, someone smart and cultured, not rough and tumble like me."

My blood continues to boil. "Oh, I see, it's the Danny Messer pity party."

His sits down again, face in hands. "Jesus, this is not goin' well."

_**Danny**_

How can I argue with her? She's right. I cheapened everything – her, me, us. All I can do is try and make her understand.

"Those women I dated? No, they weren't of the caliber I found in you, and that was the point. Before you, Linds, I went for the good-time girls. The chicks that liked my badge or my body and wanted a good time – no more, no less.

"When I met you, I changed. I wanted more, I needed more. You made me want to be a better person – " Crap, didn't Jack Nicholson say that in _As Good as it Gets_? I blunder on. "I know that sounds pathetic, but you did. I wanted to deserve you. I couldn't believe you loved me, and I didn't want to screw it up."

She breaks in. "Danny, I loved you the way you were. I never expected you to change. Things were going so well! We were in love, we were happy. Then after the undercover thing – "

"I got scared. I suddenly realized that in changin' to the man you deserved, I made myself vulnerable. I had friends, ya know, who lost their husbands, wives, parents in 911. And when you nearly got yourself killed, all I saw was their grief. The selfish prick that used to be me reared its ugly head and I just felt like I had to get away."

I stop, truly spent by everythin' I've been ramblin' about. Her quiet voice breaks through.

"What's different now, Danny? Flack tells me you've been playing a lot of basketball at the Y, staying home. What's changed?"

Here's the opportunity to make her see. "Me. I thought I could go back, but when I tried, I found out that Danny Messer didn't exist anymore. Yes, I went out with women, took some of 'em to bed, tryin' to forget you. But all I got was this sick feelin' inside. I actually owe Hawkes a debt – I probably woulda kept tryin' to find the old me, but then he kicked my ass all over the racquetball court and managed to breath through. I realized that no matter what, the dumb ass I used to be was gone – all that was left was the person you made me, for better or worse."

"I don't know what to say, Danny. I'm – I love you – but I'm so afraid." She sits down again, head bowed as tears begin to fall, drippin' off her nose onto the pavement. My chest constricts as I see the pain in her, and I realize that I can't do this to her anymore.

"I'm sorry, Montana." I turn and walk away, each step a painful knife to my heart. My hand is on the door when I hear her voice.

"Danny."

I turn and she's walking toward me, tears still streaming down her face.

"I love you. I have loved you all along," she says, smilin' through the tears. "I forgive you for being away for far to long …"

Who woulda thought a Nickelback song could sound so sweet? I grab her in my arms and I rejoice in her returned embrace. "Are ya sayin' what I think you're sayin', Montana? Do we have a chance?"

"We have a chance, Danny," she whispers, voice thick with tears. "We need to go slowly, but we have a chance."

Even if it takes the rest of my life, I vow to take every step I need to find my way back into the heart of Montana.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

_**Disclaimer**: I am not the mega-millionaire owner of these characters, unfortunately. _

_**Author's Note**: Kind of a bridge chapter. A bit of fluff, if you will. _

**CHAPTER 16**

**Sheldon Hawkes**

Danny practically skips up the stairs Monday morning. I'm glad he didn't do it literally because I would have lost all sorts of respect for him. Stella meets him halfway up, and I hear their conversation.

"You're happy," Stella says. "Does this mean you've finally managed to do something right with our Montana native?"

I can't help grinning when I see him pick her up and spin her around. "She's givin' me a chance, Stel. She still loves me, can you believe that?"

"Danny, put me down, I'm not 16," Stella grumbles good-naturedly. She looks delighted and a bit surprised. I of course already knew of the latest developments – Lindsay and I talked the evening after the party after she spent a day with Danny walking through the park, eating vinegar fries and enjoying the sunshine.

"_We're taking it one step at a time – Danny says he wants to move slowly, too – do things right." Lindsay said._ I could feel her glow through the phone, and I see it in Danny today.

Stella goes off on her first case and Danny continues up the stairs. He stops again when he sees me. Walking over, a serious expression on his face, he offers his hand. "I owe you a lot, Hawkes. Thanks."

"You owe Lindsay," I grumble, but I shake his hand. Despite his past antics, I can't hate the guy. "Seriously, Danny, I'm happy for you."

"… But don't fuck it up this time?" He thinks I'm worried about Lindsay. He's right.

"I would like to think you wouldn't be that stupid." I laugh, and he laughs with me. I reach over and clap him on the back, then pull him close, my mouth to his ear.

"Just so you know? Hurt her again and I'll make our last physical encounter feel like child's play." I growl. Pulling back, I look meaningfully into his eyes, then walk away. I'm almost to the doors when I hear his quiet response.

"Noted, Doc. Noted."

**Danny Messer**

Can't blame the guy. He does care about Montana – I wonder if I'll ever be really okay with that? Aw hell, he's getting married and there's no mistaking the goo-goo eyes he has for Nicole.

Well, good ole Hawkes has nothin' to worry about. I'm not gonna hurt her again. Yesterday – it was incredible. Walkin' though the park, holdin' her hand, seein' the jealous why-can't-I-have-that looks. Sorry guys, she's with _me_. We talked, really talked, and this movin' slow thing may have its advantages – I feel like I'm gettin' to know her all over again. Of course, it couldn't have ended more perfect. That kiss -

"_So … Montana. Could we do this again?" I leaned against the wall outside Apartment 4C. _

"Mmm … I could be persuaded." That teasing purr was all I needed and I kissed her gently, tasting salt and vinegar mingled with the sweetness of her lips. My insides began to simmer with the memories of the past and the promise of the future. Before things got outta control, I pulled away. There would be other nights.

I held her closely, "See you soon, young lady."

She smiled that delicious smile of hers. "Oh, you can bet on that, Det. Messer.."

"Something tells me you have more than a current case on your mind, Messer." Don Flack is leaning against the wall outside the locker room.

"Flack, you have a dirty mind," I say, grinning, slapping his shoulder. He follows me in the locker room.

"A smile like that, and I'm thinkin' you and Ms. Monroe did some serious makin' up."

"Not like you think, Flack. We're takin' it slow. No more slip ups."

"No more thongs?"

I experience a minor flash of annoyance – I wish he'd let that go – then move on with a smile. "Not unless they're Montana's."

**Lindsay Monroe**

I'm exhausted, but happy. After Danny left the other night my sleep has been interrupted by thoughts of him. Know one will ever know what strength it took to keep from pulling that man into my apartment and having my way with him.

But that time would come, and it needed to be done right. After everything we've been through, we don't need to muddy the waters by moving too fast – our relationship was always more than physical.

"Det. Monroe." Mac Taylor nods at me. I smile brilliantly in return, and he chuckles.

"Good weekend? When I saw Danny earlier, it looked like he'd had a good weekend, too. Any connection?"

I smile. "Follow the evidence, Det. Taylor, follow the evidence."

With that I spin around, heading toward the lab with what my sister Beth would call a "shit-eating grin."

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

_**Disclaimer:** I am not the mega-millionaire owner of these characters, unfortunately. _

**Author's Note:** Okay, here we go. I always get nervous at this point. Sigh.

**CHAPTER 17**

**_Lindsay Monroe_**

The evening is balmy. Despite the fact that the sun set hours ago, the night air is a warm caress on my bare shoulders. On the steps to my apartment building, Danny gently runs his hands up my arms, sending thrills of sensation down my spine.

"Til next time, Montana?"

"You betcha, city boy," I say, stepping into his embrace. He chuckles at my massacre of his Stanton Island accent.

"Hey, stick to whatcha know best."

I grin slyly. "I think I'll do that …" Standing on tiptoe, I capture his lips, literally devouring them with my own. He groans, molding me to his body. I move to his ear, nibbling gently. "Well, unless we want to attract a crowd, we either stop or move inside," I whisper seductively.

To my surprise, he pulls away, dropping one last kiss on my lips. "I'd better get home. It's late and we both have to work in the morning'." His eyes are smoky dark with desire, and I know he doesn't want to leave. I also know Danny is fighting a battle with himself these days – he wants to do everything right, in his own time.

It's tempting to push the issue, to make him understand that I'm not some 16-year-old girl that needs protecting. I know the risks, and in my heart I know I made the right decision. I do not fear this man - I love him, and I know he loves me. Maybe eventually I'll give him a little nudge, let him know such caution is unnecessary, but not tonight. Danny needs to work through this himself.

I bury my head in his chest and inhale that wonderful Messer smell – sweat, soap and an underlying woodsy scent that oddly reminds me of home. He wraps his arms around me, nose in my hair. I grin – that shampoo's $26 bucks a bottle, but I buy it because I know he loves it. Ginger root and cherry bark. Who knew?

"I love you, Lindsay."

Ah, the sound of my given name coming from his lips. It warms me, my answer a sigh: "I love you, too, Danny."

He walks me to my door and leaves me with one more kiss before saying good-bye. Later, snuggled under my covers, I'm feeling hungry for Danny, for him to fill that space in my bed once again. At the same time, I'm touched by his intense need to make things right.

As for my sexual self? There's always those naughty dreams – Yum!

**_Danny Messer_**

Montana and I have been datin' again for about three months. I hafta say, it's goin' well. She's givin' us everything she has, and I'm givin' it back. Well, maybe not everything. I guess I'm punishing myself, holding back the physical. There's no denyin' that my body wants Lindsay, but when are together again I want the primary motivator to be love, not lust.

It's what she deserves. I love her, but when she kisses me – groaning into my mouth like she does - lust takes over and I just want to take her where we stand. Lust pushes everything outta my head. When love holds true, makes its stake in my brain and won't shake loose, I'll know it's time.

Tonight we're going to a concert – I'm surprising Montana with Nickelback tickets. Not only does their song _Far Away _have special meaning, but it's the one band we agree on. Her love of country doesn't generally meld with my love of hard rock.

I knock on her door, smoothing the soft gray Henley I'm wearing – Lindsay loves those. Who says men don't dress to impress? Anything to make those eyes of hers flicker …

She opens the door, smiling warmly and reaching for a hug. I inhale deeply, reveling in her. "You look beautiful." And she does, wearing dark jeans that show off her badonkadonk and a tight black v-neck with long sleeves. "I hope this is okay … you haven't told me where we are going."

I smile triumphantly, brandishing the tickets – fourth row. She squeals – who ever thought I'd like to hear a woman squeal anywhere but the bedroom? We head out, stopping first for some fast food before heading to the concert. I grin as I watch her wolf down a Whopper. Gotta love a chick who's not afraid to eat.

We enjoy the night – it's a great show, and when she's not jumpin' up and down cheering, she's close to my side. During that song – hell, you know the one – she pulls my head down, kissing me deeply. The lust monster flares. _Damn. _Then another urge – I cup her face, staring intensely – "I love you, Montana, you're my world." And she is.

I take her home and pop in to use the john – who likes going to the bathroom at concerts? I come out and prepare to leave, but Montana has other ideas. She wraps her arms around me and things get heated pretty quickly. Finally untangling myself, I say: "I guess I'd better go."

Lindsay walks up, looking me dead in the eyes. "What if I don't want you to?" Her deep brown eyes smolder, and I struggle to hold on to sanity.

"I don't want to rush it, ya know? You deserve better," I fumble.

She sighs. "Danny, do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then show me." She takes my hand, walking backward to the bedroom. How can I deny this woman? Still, I hold fast to my resolve to make love – not have wild monkey sex. I want to do as she asks – show her I love her.

In her room, she immediately pulls off my shirt, hands skimming over my chest, and she sighs deeply. _Steady Messer_. I hold her, gently touching her face, her arms, her back – all tenderness.

"Danny …"

"Mmmmm?"

"Touch me – really touch me."

Desire flares in me. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"I'm not going to break."

She's right – I'm the one who shatters.

**_Lindsay_**

I feel the change in him. He groans – almost an animalistic sound – and pulls me hard against his body, kissing me deeply, wiping all rational thought from my brain. "God, Danny …"

My words seem to inflame him more. His hands push my shirt up and off before I have a chance to think, his lips blazing a trail down my neck, over my body. From there it's a haze of love and passion, my response as fiery as his. My nails rake down his back – it feels like I'm rediscovering him, inside and out.

"Lindsay. I love you. Lindsay …"

His words are sensual music, the notes his fingers carrying me toward an inevitable destination. I love him, and for the first time, I know in my heart we are meant to be, and nothing can tear us apart again.

We come together on the bed, a tangle of heated limbs. Time is relative as we kiss, touch and love. When we reach our pinnacle together, I rejoice in my name on his lips.

"My Lindsay …"

My Danny. Forever and always.

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters_

_**Author's Note:** This takes place six months after the last chapter. There's one more after this. _

**CHAPTER 18**

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

Shortly after 10 a.m. I gaze at Danny slumbering in my bed – our bed since he moved in with me last month. My apartment's bigger, and closer to the lab. I smile. In sleep, he has a little boy lost look, eyebrows slightly crinkled, a slight frown. I lean over and gently kiss his lips.

The eyebrows relax, and the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. "Mmmmmm …" One eye opens. "Now that's a sight I love to wake up to."

I roll my eyes. I have no makeup on and my hair's pulled back in a ponytail – I'm headed to the hair salon where I will be primped for the big day. I'm still shocked Nicole asked me to be in their wedding party, especially since Sheldon had been honest with her about our connection.

"_Nicole, I'm sure Sheldon doesn't expect you to ask me, really," I told her the day we met for lunch. She reached out and touched my hand. _

"_I'm not asking for Sheldon, I'm asking for me. He explained everything about you two, and I have no concerns. You know, he credits you with opening his heart to hope, Lindsay. Without that, he wouldn't have been open to me, so I owe you. Besides, I like you and consider you my friend. So hush and help me pick out the dresses or I'll have you in fluffy pink taffeta with a huge bow on your butt."_

A short time later I arrive at La Dolce Vita, the salon where the magic will happen. And it does – an hour later, myself and my fellow bridesmaids – there's four total – are looking pretty darn good. Rather than some tacky 80s relic, she has chosen soft, classic dresses in navy blue that flow gently down from an empire waist. They're lovely, just like the woman who selected him. I smile. _Good for you, Sheldon_.

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

I keep fussing with my tie.

"Jesus, Doc, let me help." Danny comes over and adjusts. "There, now don't touch it."

Danny may seem an odd choice for one of my groomsmen, but he really is a friend, and has treated Lindsay wonderfully since they reunited. He will stand up along with Mac, Flack and Dante Reynolds, whom I attended residence with. He is my best man.

I considered asking Hammerbeck, but he told me he was too old to be in a wedding party. He also said he would be free to scope out the "hot chicks" at the reception. Nicole and I briefly considered sending a warning to all single females attending.

I suppose I should be nervous, but instead I'm just impatient to begin. I smile. Mom and my future in-laws are the only ones beyond Nicole and I that knows she's expecting – she found out last week, so this is no shotgun wedding. She's only about six weeks along.

Danny sits down next to me. "Got a minute?"

"Sure, Danny, what's up?"

"Just wanted to get your opinion …" He pulls a black velvet box out of his pocket and hands it to me. Inside is a delicate three-diamond engagement ring in a platinum setting. I grin and slap Danny on the back. "You're really going to do it, huh?"

He laughs. "Well, I gotta Doc, before she comes to her senses and changes her mind 'bout me. Whattdya think? Will she like the ring?"

"She'll love it, Danny. Delicate, not too showy. It's perfect." Danny goes on to assure me that he won't ask until after our wedding – he doesn't want to take away from our day, he says. As if anyone could.

_**Lindsay Monroe**_

We've just seen Sheldon and Nicole off. Early tomorrow, after a romantic evening at the Waldorf, they will be flying to Paris for a two-week honeymoon. None of us at the lab mind covering his shifts – we all love him. Even Danny, isn't that the whip?

Speaking of the devil – he suddenly appears beside me. "Hey, beautiful."

"You can't be referring to me," I say, rolling my eyes. My hair is coming out of its lovely up do, and I'm sure my makeup is long gone – an evening of dancing will do that to you.

"There's no one else." Something in his eyes makes my heart flutter.

"So … should we head home?" Alone time with Danny suddenly seems like a VERY good idea.

"Well, since you've got your walkin' shoes, whattdya say to a jaunt in the park?"

I smile, taking his proffered arm. The dress is actually comfortable, and my favorite tennies are hiding underneath. We take Danny's car and are soon enjoying the gentle late night breeze in the park. It's odd, he keeps checking his watch.

"Almost the witching hour," I tease, poking him. He smiles absently, seemingly looking for something up in the distance. After a few minutes, I see what it is.

A white tablecloth has been laid out on the grass near a fountain I've loved since I first arrived in New York. A couple battery-powered lanterns have been placed nearby for overall light, and two tapers in silver candlesticks sit in the middle of the cloth, waiting to be lit for gentle ambiance. There's a bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket, and two glasses.

"Since you missed the champagne at the weddin', I thought you'd like to share some with me." Danny is shyly looking down at his shoes. Nicole's Dad is a recovering alcoholic, and in his honor, no alcohol was served at the wedding, including champagne.

"This is beautiful." I grin like a silly schoolgirl, prancing over to the lovely scene Danny set. "How did you arrange this?"

"Friend of mine, on the grounds crew. Owes me some favors." He smiles proudly, joining me. He lights the candles and pours the champagne. "To you, Montana." We clink glasses.

I lay against Danny's chest, his arms around me, enjoying the balmy evening and the thousands of stars above us. "Look at them – it feels like I could reach up and grab one."

I feel him move behind me. "Would you settle for this?" His hand appears in front of me, holding a black velvet box. My heart leaps into my throat. I grab the box, turning around to face him. "Danny …"

"Don't get excited 'til ya open it," he says. I do, and inside, nestled folds of satin, is the most beautiful diamond ring I've ever seen – not overdone, just simple and lovely. Tears form and I look at Danny through the blur.

"You're not supposed to start cryin' yet. I gotta do this, first." He rises up, pulling me with him, and kneels down in front of me.

"Lindsay Monroe, I don't know why God has seen fit to bless me with you, but I'm not gonna argue. I love you more than anything. Please, marry me. Say yes, and I'll dedicate my life to makin' you happy. Well, I guess I'd do it even if you said no, cuz I love you so much, but I'd really like you to say yes, cuz I'd love to see you in a pretty white dress, and …"

"Danny!" I interrupt. "Don't you want to hear my answer?"

"Well … sure!" He says, chuckling at himself. I kneel down to his level, and the laughter dying in his throat.

"Yes, Danny, I will marry you."

His face breaks into a wide grin. "You mean it?"

"I mean it." He pulls my face forward, kissing me thoroughly. Pulling back, he smiles. "Oh, you can cry now."

And beneath the stars, we both shed tears of joy.

**TBC**

_One more, folks!_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own these people._

_**Author's note:** So here it is. The end. Managed to keep it under 20 chapters. Woo hoo! Thank you to everyone who has been supportive. This fic came out of me in fits and starts, and gave me some trouble, but your positive comments helped me so much. You're all the best!_

**CHAPTER 19**

_**Lindsay Messer**_

The dress that looked so light and frothy in the store now seems to weigh about two tons, and despite the fact that I'd taken my shoes off right after dinner, my feet are killing me.

And I'm deliriously happy. Currently, I'm kicked back at one of the tables at my wedding reception, the aforementioned feet propped up on another chair. Laughter is bubbling uncontrollably through my body as I watch Mac Taylor stumble through the Macarena.

He may be a brilliant criminalist, but he can't dance. He is honorable though – he's out there because he lost some bet to Stella, who can barely complete the moves through her giggles. As I'm watching this entertaining debacle, the reason for my giddiness lifts my feet from my chair, sits down, and commences with a delicious massage.

"Aaahhhh … keep doing that and I'm going to have to marry you."

"Um, been there, done that, Montana." Danny smiles, cocking and eyebrow at me. His tie is gone, his shirt partially unbuttoned, and sweat from dancing has his hair adorably askew. He looked incredible waiting for me at the end of the aisle earlier, but I prefer this Danny – the relaxed, cocky Statten Island boy that won my heart.

"So we have, so we have. When do we get to blow this pop stand?"

He laughs, grabbing my hands, pulling me out of my chair and onto his lap. "Impatient, are we?"

"Well, you've so impressed me with your foot massage, I would like to see how you do with the rest of my body." I waggle my eyebrows, then lean forward and nip his earlobe.

I lean back in time to see his blue eyes flair before he captures my mouth hungrily.

"C'mon you two, time enough for that on your honeymoon," Stella Bonasera chuckles. A ballad begins to play. "All right, Messer, pay up. You owe me a dance."

"Duty calls," Danny murmurs, giving me one last kiss. "I love you."

"I love you." I smile as I watch them hit the floor, then decide to take a break from the hubbub. Grabbing the half-empty bottle of champagne from the table along with a flute, I head out to the balcony of the hotel ballroom.

It takes me about five minutes to fold the bulk of my dress into a chair, but I'm comfortable, pouring myself a glassful of bubbly.

"Got enough for me?" Sheldon smiles down at me.

"Always."

_**Sheldon Hawkes**_

"You're beautiful, you know that?" I tell her, and mean it. It's not the fancy hair or finery, it's the happiness that glows from her like a nimbus. As expected, she rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sweaty and trapped under a thousand pounds of tulle, lace and beadwork. How's Nicole holding up her first night away from the baby?"

I smile, immediately picturing Noelle Grace in my mind – at four months, she looks like the most exquisite doll, complete with her mother's light brown eyes, pointy chin and curly hair. "She's checking in with her sister now. Since Angela runs a day care, you'd think Nic would relax, but …"

"Can't blame her for not wanting to leave my godchild."

How things come full circle – Lindsay and I once came together in grief, and gave each other the hope to move on. I closed a door to my past, she reopened one in hers. And we're both happy.

"I love you, you know." I can't resist telling her that. Nicole is my wife, and the love I never dreamed of finding, but Lindsay Messer is my best friend.

"Right back at you, Doc."

"Yo Hawkes, you think you're gonna ride off with my beautiful bride, you got another thing comin'. Besides, I think you're wife is ready to head home and see that gorgeous girl of yours."

Don't have to ask me twice. I help Lindsay untangle herself from her chair, kissing her gently on the cheek. "Have fun."

"You, too. Give baby girl a kiss from her Aunt Lindsay."

"Will do," I say, and head home to what is now the bliss of my life.

_**Danny Messer**_

The limo is driving us to the Biltmore for the night, and my bride is nestled against my chest. Or at least, as much as she can be with that dress – who woulda thought my simple Montana girl would want enough poof to make Cinderella green with envy?

"You're not sleeping, are ya? Cuz I got plans for you."

"You better have a lot of plans, Messer. It's our wedding night. I'm expecting you to kick it up a notch."

I laugh at her tone. "Whoa there, Emeril. No worries. I'll be takin' care of you."

And I plan to, as soon as I get that dress off her. It takes about half an hour to disengage her, but it's worth it. For a moment, all I can do is stare. "Lindsay … you're beautiful," I breathe, marveling at the curves of her body in the soft candlelight.

Grandma Marinelli always told me God put angels on this earth. I never believed it until now.

_**Lindsay**_

There is nothing that turns a woman on more than a man she loves looking at her with wonder. My breath catches at the passion and love in his eyes. I step into his embrace, shivering as his lips move down the curve of my neck.

"Do you love me, Danny?"

He pulls back, his eyes smoky. "Always."

"Show me."

**The End**


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